Lord Have Bercy

Lord have mercy (heh, Bercy) on you, Mr Federer, if I catch you any time soon. Oh suuuuuuure, I know I said (or at least thought) that I didn't mind if you lost here so you could have more time to prepare in London. But you know what?

I LIED.

And you know what else?

When I said that I didn't mind if you lost, I didn't mean that I wouldn't mind if you lost in three sets after having a break in the third set and FIVE F%^&ING MATCH POINTS. After I have been saying such nice things about you! Saying that you were playing good tennis! Saying that you might have a real shot at winning the WTF!

If you do not play well at the WTF, Roger, I will - I will -

- I will still love you, because you are my favourite ever, but I will be CROSS, Roger. I will be very cross. We are always hardest on the ones we love, and I will come down on you like a rather large pile of BRICKS.

If you must lose a match, do it in a way that doesn't break my heart, okay? And stop legitimising Monfils's dramatics by losing to him. They're annoying and you are BETTER THAN THAT.