Fast Five

I am back! I am sure you missed me. Please, who wouldn't miss me and all that insightful commentary I make? I mean, I LOVE ROGER'S HAIR and MAHUT IS AWESOME are key contributions to the world of tennis, n'est-ce pas?

Right. Let's ease back into things with a few quick stories:

1) Jarmila and Sam Groth are no more. Jarka and the GrothHawk have split up, which is a bit sad. She's back to being Ms Gajdosova now. His hair is presumably still silly. This event is probably most notable, tennis-wise, for her Twitter tirade about how she didn't marry Sam just for citizenship. Personally, I think the fact that people raised that question at all is insulting and ludicrous. Jarka does not need to be married to a man with stupid hair to play for Australia. Glad to have you, Jarka.

2) Fernando Gonzalez is back in town. I had almost forgotten about the existence of Gonzo, but I bet there were people that hadn't, like, oh, the entire nation of Chile. He chose to come back at the Djokovic - I mean, Serbian Open in Belgrade, where he beat Martin Klizan but lost to Feliciano Lopez. Winning your first match back - even if it is against someone I have personally never heard of - is no mean feat, so well done, Gonzo. Keep it up.

3) Someone who does not get a well done ribbon this week is John Isner. Ouch. That is going to hurt, rankings wise.

4) Welcome back Tommy Haas! He played doubles in Munich, his first match back in about 709838 years. He partnered Stepanek and they lost in a match tiebreaker, but it is so good to see Herr Hotness back on the court.

5) Grigor Dimitrov seems to have had something resembling a 'breakthrough', though I would not go counting chickens, you hear me. He beat Marcos Baghdatis, and the way people are talking about it, you'd think he beat Rafa in straight sets in the final of Roland Garros. Of course it's cause to be optimistic, but slow your roll, people, honestly. He's not exactly Milos Raonic yet.

No More. Shut Up. Yes, You, Bernard.

Day 2 of the December Showdown, and the attention is all off court rather than on - focused on Bernard Tomic, who pulled out because of illness and now is reportedly practicing somewhere in Queensland, confident of getting one of Tennis Australia's wildcards into the main draw.

I'm a little torn here. Most of me wants to prove the little f^&*er wrong and yell DON'T GIVE HIM A WILDCARD, TENNIS AUSTRALIA! NO NO NO NO NO! But then the other part of me is like... don't give him any more attention. Do we really need another Bernard Tomic scandal? Card him in, shut him up, and for heaven's sake, don't put him on Rod Laver Arena at night when I could be watching a real player.

So let's not talk about him. Let's talk about actual tennis instead.

Dokic and Molik both came through, which is to be expected. So did Rogowska and Ferguson and the other minor challengers - except for Isabella Holland, who was put in her place by Monika Wejnert. I didn't see the match, but I've followed Wejnert for a few years now, and it would totally tickle me pink if she got the wildcard!

In the dudes, Luczak is through - of course - as are Ebden and Jones and Groth (husband of Jarka) - but in a bit of a surprise, John Millman went down to James Duckworth, who is a real up and comer, and in a MASSIVE surprise, Carsten Ball went down to Adam Feeney. The men's tournament is, I believe, knock out, which means Ball cannot get this wildcard. I would not be surprised if he got A wildcard - he's done his Davis Cup duty pretty well - but this is a bad loss for him. I don't know if there were any extenuating circumstances, but he must be pretty down on himself...

To 2011 And Beyond!

Well, well, well, Australian women's tennis. Maybe you are not as hopeless as you have been made out to be in the past. After sweeping Korea on the first day on competition, the girls have just made another clean one of Thailand, with Dokic and Stosur winning the singles and then Dellacqua and Stubbs finishing it off in the doubles. How 'bout that, eh? How 'bout that?

*

I mean, of course, Australia is in a really low group right now - the Asia/Oceania group - and we have to win the final to have a chance to get into World Group 2, the group below the World Group proper. The earliest we could compete for the actual Fed Cup is 2011, when one has to think Dokic and Stosur will be a leeeeeetle past their prime. But I suppose we do have players like Isabella Holland, Monica Wejnert and Olivia Rogowska coming up...

*

It's just really nice to see the girls doing well. Jelena cruised in her match, winning it 6-1 6-2, but the day belonged to Stosur, who came back from a set and 5-2 down to beat Tamarine Tanasugarn (who is actually ranked higher than she is) to win the tie. She won eleven straight games. Now that's pretty sweet.

*

And then, in other Australian tennis news, I think Jarmila Gajdosova is 100% definitely an Australian citizen now - she just got married to Sam Groth. The new Mrs. Groth (who is going by Groth now) really troubled Victoria Azarenka in Brisbane - and actually could be another good addition to the Fed Cup squad one day. And we all know how Scary Sam played Davis Cup for Oz last year against Chile... and I didn't even know they were dating. Guess you learn something new every day.

*

*

Today's Results

*

SA Tennis Open (Johannesburg)

*

Jo-Wilfried Tsonga def. Denis Istomin, 6-1 6-4

Guillermo Garcia-Lopez def. Leonardo Mayer, 6-4 7-5

Jeremy Chardy def. Marco Chiudinelli. 6-4 6-4

Kristof Vliegen def. Ivo Minar, 6-4 6-1

Frederico Gil def. Rik de Voest, 4-6 7-5 6-4

Sebastien de Chaunac def. Izak Van Der Merwe, 6-7 (3-7) 7-5 7-6 (7-5)

*

*

Movistar Open (Vina del Mar)

*

Tommy Robredo def. Brian Dabul, 6-3 7-6 (7-5)

Sebastian Decoud def. Agustin Calleri, 7-6 (7-3) 7-5

*

*

PBZ Zagreb Indoors (Zagreb)

*

Sergiy Stakhovsky def. Ivo Karlovic, 6-4 3-6 6-3

Jan Hernych def. Paul-Henri Mathieu, 6-7 (7-9) 6-4 6-2

Mario Ancic def. Teimuraz Gabashvili, 6-1 6-1

Ivan Dodig def. Ernests Gulbis, 7-6 (7-3) 6-4

Mischa Zverev def. Victor Hanescu, 6-4 5-7 7-6 (9-7)

The Damir Question

And so the wildcards have been decided. In the men's draw, Colin Ebelthite will go through. In the women's, Jelena Dokic.

*

Both results are, in their way, surprising - Ebelthite most of all. Thus, let's start with Dokic. She's definitely got the most experience and Grand Slam time under her belt, so it would have been a bit of a slap in the face if she hadn't come through, but how about some of the competition she faced? I cannot speak too highly of Monica Wejnert - she is going to be pretty good one day, mark my words. She really took it to Jelena - the score was 6-7 (3-7) 7-5 6-3, so it was pretty tight the whole way. She needs some experience yet, I suppose, but that's only time... she's only sixteen. So I think she can be pretty proud of herself - and the junior Australian Open had better watch out next year!

*

Dokic has been off the Australian sporting radar for some years now, but she's still remembered - more for her father than anything else. Thus, with her back in the main draw instead of losing in qualies where she can be safely ignored, it's going to be very interesting to see how Australia reacts. We are no stranger to generally liking toolface tennis players - look at the BecnLleyton phenomenon - but Damir Dokic was something else. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that more people remember him than Jelena herself. In my understanding, she was a bit of a victim - torn between what her dad wanted her to do and what Tennis Australia wanted her to do and the world and herself, and it was all just nasty and bad.

*

So will Damir show at the Australian Open? If so, you can bet that no one will take too kindly to Jelena... but if she shows up independently of him, then we might be cooking with fire...

*

And how 'bout Colin Ebelthite, huh? A few days ago it was pretty much assumed that Bernard Tomic would take his place in the knockout portion of the tournament, and here he is winning the whole damn tournament. It was a tough match against Sam Groth - 1-6 7-6 (7-1) 6-4 6-4 - but Ebelthite pulled it out. He's never played in a Slam before, so what an opportunity for him! Nice one, Colin!

The Marvellous Miss Monica

And so we have our finalists in the December showdown. In the men, we have Davis Cup representative Sam 'Scary' Groth against Colin Ebelthite, and in the women, we have young gun Monica Wejnert against old gun Jelena Dokic.

*

Groth obviously came through a harder match today than Ebelthite - he beat Joe Sirianni, who won this event last year, and he's had victories over Robert Smeets and Carsten Ball this tournament as well. But you can't knock out Colin. He had that victory against Luczak yesterday - and the milkshake man had to be the favourite - as well as over Tomic (not to be underestimated). He 'only' beat Marinko Matosevic today, but he is totally capable of pulling this one out...

*

I have to say that I'm pulling for Sam, though. He might stand a better chance of winning a round or two in the actual Open - he could scare his opponents with his eyebrows.

*

And man, am I jumping on the Monica Wejnert train! Jelena Dokic is not one of Australia's better liked sporting personalities, but it's not for that reason I'm pulling against her - I just really, really like what Wejnert is bringing. She beat Isabella Holland today, and I really think Isabella has serious talent... so what will happen? Dokic winning would have the element of a fairy tale, I guess... but just how good is Miss Monica? Wejnert definitely beat the more quality opponent today - no detriment to Emelyn Starr, but she's not on the same level as Holland - and Wejnert beat Dokic earlier this week. AND she's only sixteen. I thought she was eighteen, but nope. Sixteen.

*

So, Miss Monica... bring it!

Colin Cruises

Whoa! How 'bout that Colin Ebelthite? Not only is he miraculously healthy, ending Bernard Tomic's chances of a wildcard into the Aussie Open main draw, but now he's knocked out the dude that had to be the odds on favourite, good ol' Mr Milkshake.

*

Now that's one that I bet Luczak didn't see coming. It'd be so easy to underestimate someone like Ebelthite - because, seriously, who is he? I hope Pete can find some other way of getting into the main draw, because he's probably a better chance in the long run than Ebelthite, but nonetheless - good job, Colin!

*

The other semi-finalists in this wildcard showdown are Sam 'Scary Eyebrows' Groth, Joe Sirianni and surprise packet Marinko Matosevic, who took out Carsten Ball in a bit of a surprising one. Sirianni won the wildcard last year and you have to like his chances again, but wouldn't it be great to see Matosevic, who plays pretty much exclusively on the Pro circuit, come through and grab that card? He is the underdog - so I feel obliged to go for him. No hard feelings, Joe, Colin, Scary. But go Marinko!

*

In the women, Jelena Dokic is through, as is Isabella Holland, who is going to meet Monica Wejnert - and what a cracker of a match that could be! That is well worthy of being the final, and I cannot pick it. My tip is that the winner of that match will win the tournament. I don't think Dokic will have a problem beating Emelyn Starr, who is the surprise semi-finalist, but I think she'll succumb to either Holland or Wejnert.

*

That said, wouldn't it be something if young Emelyn got the wildcard...?

Some Scary Stuff

Okay, so Sam Groth? Scary looking guy. All right player - he's through to the quarter finals of the December Showdon - but seriously, that guy has one scary mug. Have you seen those eyebrows? They are totally bristling and bushy and frightening.

*

Speaking of frightening - brief digression - I am frightened by the name of Bec and Lleyton's new kid. On what planet did they think it was a smart idea to name their kid Cruz? To start with, they are the least Spanish family ever, and secondly, why did they copy la famille de Beckham? That's just un-smart. Not a fan.

*

Back to the December Showdown. Peter Luczak is through to the quarters - nice one, Mr Milkshake! - as is Colin Ebelthite. However, he is all injured and stuff, so if he doesn't pass his fitness test, then Bernard Tomic gets his spot... which would suck for Colin, but it'd be probably be more exciting from a tennis perspective to see Bernard play, harsh as that might seem. Bernard went down to Joe Sirianni today pretty easily... but maybe he can up the ante?

*

And Jelena Dokic looks like she's through, and Monica Wejnert, and Isabella Holland. So the women are going to be intriguing as well...

Hotel Sorrento

Pete Sampras. Cedric Pioline. Could be epic. Here's hoping it is. I'd like to see Pioline avenge his Slam losses, but I'm backing Pistol Pete on this one. Just a feeling.

*

Anyway, we're not talking about Pete and le Ced today. No, it's back to local homegrown Aussie tennis and what is apparently the last Pro circuit event of the year, the tournie in Sorrento. Quality tournament, they say... but that doesn't mean people will have heard of most of the guys. Ah, Aussie tennis.

*

What is disturbing me is that at least half of Australia's Davis Cup team is playing this tournament - a tournament on a circuit so low I hadn't even heard of its existence until a few months ago. Top seed and hot favourite is Brydan Klein, then second seed is Sam Groth. Marinko Matosevic defeated Bernard Tomic today, who retired after what one presumes was an injury and hopes wasn't a temper tantrum... I've heard he's prone. There's our Davis Cup team, pretty much. Oh dear.

*

That said, here's hoping Brydan or Sam can win this one... though I'm liking the form of our old man Andrew Coelho, who pulled that good win the other week in Perth. Maybe he can join team Davis Cup next year when we play our (next) relegation tie?

*

...remember when we used to win Davis Cup?

*

Bernard will save us. HE MUST!

Matters of National Importance

We talked a bit about Davis Cup the other day - so let's talk about Fed Cup. Isn't it incredible that a country can have its top three players be unavailable and STILL be the favourites to win? I'm talking Russia against Spain. Sharapova's out injured, Safina and Dementieva are absolutely exhausted, and still the Russians have got a great team. Svetlana Kuznetsova is their big gun, and they're also playing Vera Zvonareva, Elena Vesnina and Ekaterina Makarova. And there's even more depth if they wanted it: Nadia Petrova, Anna Chakvetadze, Alisa Kleybanova, Alla Kudryavtseva, and even the rookie Anastasia Pavlyuchenkova, who has a couple of junior Slams under her belt. Isn't that incredible, how one country can have so many options?

*

I wonder what would happen if our top three women dropped out for Fed Cup. At the moment, that's Casey Dellacqua, Sam Stosur and Alicia Molik - now she's retired, that'd bump up the next player, which would be Jessica Moore. So even if Jess Moore played, that means our Fed Cup team would consist of her, Jelena Dokic, Monique Adamczak and Sophie Ferguson. Next player down is Christina Wheeler. I'd play the young guns instead - Isabella Holland and Sally Peers and co. Somehow, I think we would get our collective arse kicked, but at least we'd be doing something different.

*

Pretty much like in Davis Cup, actually.

*

There was a nice article on the Tennis Australia website the other day about Sam Groth, who is one of those rookies playing on the Davis Cup team I'd never heard of. Apparently he had his first ever ATP win in July in Nottingham over Jamie Baker. Slightly more impressive, I thought, was the fact that he beat Janko Tipsarevic in qualifying. So he is capable of playing above his rank, it seems... not that it looks like it'll help much. I'd guess the only chance he'll get to play singles is in a dead rubber. John Fitzgerald would be a fool not to play Guccione and Luczak in the first rubbers. I'm guessing Chile will play Gonzalez and Massu... Luczak is a good claycourter and he did beat Stan Wawrinka that time in Davis Cup and Guccione has that monster serve, so there's some small possibility we might win a rubber or two... but I wouldn't bet on much.

*

Look at me. I pretend to be all unconcerned about nationality in tennis, and here I am agonising over Davis Cup and Fed Cup. Oh well. I suppose they are a bit special.

*

*

Today's Results

*

BCR Open Romania (Bucharest)

*

Richard Gasquet def. Teimuraz Gabashvili, 6-7 (6-8) 6-1 6-1

Gilles Simon def. Florent Serra, 6-2 6-3

Carlos Moya def. Guillermo Garcia-Lopez, 5-7 6-3 6-4

Jose Acasuso def. Ivan Navarro, 6-4 6-4

*

*

Commonwealth Bank Tennis Classic (Bali)

*

Daniela Hantuchova def. Chan Yung-Jan, 7-6 (7-4) 4-6 6-2

Patty Schnyder def. Marta Domachowska, 6-2 6-2

Tamira Paszek def. Flavia Pennetta, 4-6 6-0 6-2

Nadia Petrova def. Francesca Schiavone, 6-4 6-3

Invisible Men

Well, here we are again. Another Slam is over, and we've entered the monotony of one of those weeks where no one especially important is playing... when the big story of the day is that Nicolas Almagro and Paul-Henri Mathieu got beaten, you know it's a schlep tournament week. Not that schlep tournaments can't have their moments - every Star of the Future starts off playing them - but they are exceptionally dull after the big excitement of a Slam, especially one won by Federer.

*

And besides, Ernests Gulbis has already lost, so what am I supposed to talk about?

*

But there is one thing that saves us from the boredom, and that is Davis Cup. I've read a lot about the strange selection by the American team, but I'm going to be patriotic for once and talk about the Australian team. I believed I advised them a while ago to play Bernard Tomic, as we're going to lose anyway and it'd be good to blood him on the world stage... and they almost listened. He's part of a six-man squad going to Chile, but he's one of the alternates, along with Brydan Klein. The team proper consists of Chris Guccione, Peter Luczak, Sam Groth and Carsten Ball.

*

Now, I don't know about anyone else, but I'd never heard of Carsten Ball before the US Open, where he had a wildcard, and I've never heard of Sam Groth. Not to say that they're not good players, but I have absolutely no idea who they are. Where did they pop up from? Obviously I know about Tomic, because he's Australia's best junior, and I've heard of Brydan Klein as well - I think he made the junior final of the Australian Open last year or the year before - but never these other two. And they're the ones on the team proper. Go figure. Not that I'm saying I know better than John Fitzgerald, because I don't. It's just a bit bizarre, I guess... here's me thinking I knew nearly everything there was to know about Australian tennis! Nice to be proved wrong, I guess... nice to think we have more depth than I thought!

*

This is a really young team, which I think is really exciting... and will probably also play to our advantage, because the Chileans probably won't have heard of them either. That said, the Chileans will still eat them alive, especially because they're playing at home on clay, which is definitely not Australia's best surface... but I suppose we did once beat Switzerland on clay at home (Federer wasn't playing, obviously.) Still, Fernando Gonzalez is spearheading their team, and he could probably beat the entire Australian team at once. I suppose Gooch and Mr. Milkshake will be our singles players... though if it gets to dead rubbers, which is highly likely, I'd like to see Fitzy play some young guys.

*

Like I said, the youngness of the team is exciting... but you have to spare a thought for players like Joe Sirianni and Robert Smeets. They must be feeling really snubbed right about now. Poor dudes.

*

*

Today's Results

*

BCR Open Romania (Bucharest)

*

Gilles Simon def. Albert Montanes, 6-3 6-4

Guillermo Garcia-Lopez def. Nicolas Almagro, 6-4 7-5

Carlos Moya def. Pablo Andujar, 6-3 7-6 (8-6)

Florent Serra def. Potito Starace, 7-5 0-6 6-4

Ivan Navarro def. Paul-Henri Mathieu, 6-4 6-7 (5-7) 6-3

*

*

Commonwealth Bank Tennis Classic (Bali)

*

Daniela Hantuchova def. Olga Savchuk, 6-1 7-5

Patty Schnyder def. Yuan Meng, 6-2 7-5

Francesca Schiavone def. Akgul Amanmuradova, 6-3 6-2

Marta Domachowska def. Jill Craybas, 6-3 6-7 (5-7) 6-4