R-Fed Frustrated

Oh, Roger. T-Berd? Really?

I don't think the two losses Roger has taken in Indian Wells and Miami are indicative of much of anything. Certainly, I wouldn't go ascribing dire death spiral-ness to it like people have been with Djokovic and Murray. But what it really is very annoying - both for the fans and for Roger himself.

Against both Baghdatis and Berdych, he's held match points and been in a winning position and then thrown it away. In neither match did the true Roger really show up, but he fought his way to the bitter end only to get pipped at the post. It's not the end of the universe, but it's very frsutrating.

This is definitely not a 'thank God the hard court season is over' moment like last year, but I suspect one Mr Federer will be glad to step onto the clay. He's assured the #1 ranking for a while yet and I think the change of pace will calm him down and do him good. He has the ability to snap out of bad mindsets - and I think when he steps on the clay, the frustration will seep away also.

I hope, anyway.

Dangerous Belgians

I rated Justine Henin 'hot' on the hot or not scale a few days ago, and I would like to raise that to 'absolutely smokin' hot'. Damn, that girl is playing well.

It's been all 'oooh, your comeback's not so great now, is it, haw haw haw' since JuJu lost to A-Kley in Indian Wells, which really doesn't take into account the fact that a) A-Kley had mad skillz and b) it was a third set breaker. JuJu is absolutely steamrolling her opponents at the moment. This is one lady you do not want to face across the net. Elena Dementieva, who has met her early on in two tournaments now, must be doing the Dance of Joy, because after this tournament, JuJu will be back inside the top thirty and thus will be no more a dangerous floater.

Speaking of dangerous Belgians, Kim Clijsters was absolutely fierce against Victoria Azarenka today. Sure, Vika crumbled like too-dry pastry in the second set, but it was the face of the Clijsters Onslaught, which is enough to frustrate any player to tears (or violence - just ask Serena). I really wouldn't be surprised to see a Belgian take out this tournament - I just couldn't tell you which one.

And you know who else is a genuine contender? Sammy Stosur. She put a bit of a beating on Jelena Jankovic today, which, considering JJ beat her last week pretty easily, is a job well done indeed. If Sam can keep her head and not have one of those random match meltdowns she can be prone to, she has a great shot at the crown here. Wouldn't that be a great way to open her account as a top ten player...?

Nadalbandian

I can't wait for David Nalbandian to be back to normal. I cannot wait.

Personality wise, Bandy leaves a lot to be desired. He's not the most engaging guy. But he is definitely one of the most engaging guys on the court. The phrase 'lazy brilliance' has been bandied (ah, punnage) about and I can definitely see it. When he has got some matches under his belt... watch out for this dude. And if he comes through the clay season unscathed, watch out for him on grass. He is going to be fearsome.

Of course, he ran into Rafa today, but he still managed to take a set off the dude. And given the steely determination Rafa must have when he plays Bandy, having lost so much to him in the past - this is pretty good. I've got my eyes on you, Bandy. I expect big things.

And I also expect big things from Rafa. I would not be at all surprised if he snaps this title drought - maybe not this very second, but certainly the second he steps on the clay - and then goes on one of his tears where he doesn't lose for 6937493728 matches again. I think the steel is really coming back for Rafa, and even when his body lets him down, that steel can see him through. And I look forward to seeing it.

And I look forward to seeing more engaging Nadalbandian battles, because this really is one of the most interesting match ups in the sport!

Slumpy II: Electric Boogaloo

Well, it seems we cannot talk about Miami this year without talking about big league players who have been spectacularly upset. I wrote a week or so ago about how the media might start characterising Andy Murray as 'Slumpy' if he doesn't get his head in the game... however, I think he has stiff competition from Novak Djokovic there.

So, Novak. You're #2 now, eh. Good for you. You know what players ranked #2 generally don't do? Lose to Olivier Rochus.

Don't get me wrong - mini Rochus has got some mojo. He's fast like a road runner. However, he is about as tall as a garden gnome and someone who has reached the heights that Djokovic has reached should be smashing him like a guitar. I'm not quite sure what's going on with the Djoker here - whether this is just a continuation of his not-so-hot form or whether he has a Rochus thing, because his head with Rochus is not great, if I am not mistaken.

But let's face it - a player at this level should not be losing this match. Rochus is not one of the players in the draw that you look at and go 'dangerous floater'. He's not that spectacular any more. But neither, it would seem, is Novak.

Or Andy Murray, actually. At least Rochus is ranked inside the top hundred - Mardy Fish is outside it and he served Murray his own arse today. I'm not Fish's biggest fan but he does have some dangerous elements to his game, I suppose... except you know who else is supposed to be dangerous? Murray. He's supposed to be nigh on lethal. But no. Let's just lose. Slumpy ahoy - watch out, Andy, the media is coming. And they're probably all British, too.

Huge F*cking Idiot

Okay, firstly, Mardy Fish, I rescind my not-hot assessment of you yesterday. I'm still not a massive fan of your game and I don't think you're going to achieve too much more in your career, but if you're going to go and beat Andy Murray in straights, you deserve my respect. Kudos, dude.

Secondly, I think we can all agree that Wayne Odesnik is a huge f*cking idiot.

Drugs and sport do not belong together. If you look at the drug scandals we've had in tennis over the past few years, they're comparatively tame compared to what Odesnik has tried to do. We've had some cocaine scandals - Gasquet and Hingis spring to mind - and then some not turning up to drug tests/reporting whereabouts deals with Wickmayer and Malisse. But to try and smuggle eight vials of human growth hormone into Australia (a country, by the way, with such tight border controls that even the most minute fleck of soil could see you quarantined)?

You f*cking idiot.

There have been a number of reactions to this whole saga and a lot oh-my-god-Odesnik-is-coached-by-Canas-and-Canas-served-a-drug-ban and all that kind of thing, but I think Andy Roddick's reaction is my favourite and the one I endorse the most. He said:

"That's just plain cheating, and they should throw him out of tennis. There's just no room for it."

Word, A-Rod.

The WADA ban for this is two years, but this kind of offence in a sport as clean as tennis is pretty much unforgivable. If Odesnik were to be slapped with a lifetime ban, you would hear no word out of protest from me. Because let's face it - the dude is a huge f*cking idiot.

Dudes' Hot or Not in Miami

I hot-or-notted the ladies of Miami yesterday - surprise, surprise, today it's time of the dudes. (Sidebar - I know I was all like 'Alicia Molik is crushing her opponents' the other day and today she got double bagelled. I still think she's cool).

Okay. Dudes.

Hot: Yen-hsun Lu. He's back inside the top hundred and he's going up. He's had some injury problems but when Rendy plays well, he's awesome. Love this kid.

Not: Nicolas Lapentti. I know he and his brother did that big Davis Cup thing last year, but I think it's heading towards lacy, gently wafting curtains for Nico.

Hot: Marsel Ilhan. He's a Turkish sensation and he's screaming up the rankings. What an exciting new face (and new nationality, for tennis) in the game!

Not: Juan Ignacio Chela. I'm pretty sure the defining moments of his career will be his spats with Lleyton Hewitt. He hasn't been very impressive for a while now.

Hot: Philipp Petzschner. The more I see of this guy the more I like him. He's got some real fire in his tennis and I think there are bright things ahead.

Not: Mardy Fish. I'm just not feeling it. I know he sometimes comes through as a surprise in tournaments and ends up really deep, but he just doesn't do it for me.

Hot: Peter Luczak. No secrets about how much I dig Mr Milkshake. Really excited about his future as we head into the clay season.

Not: Stephane Robert. This may seem a little unfair, but he's suddenly turned up in the top hundred and I have no idea where he's come from. Judgment reserved until I actually see him do something.

Anyone I've missed?

Ladies' Hot or Not in Miami

So we're in that interesting stage before the seeds turn up to play and we get a whole lot of first round tennis. It's a big melting pot at this level of the rankings, but some people are definitely way more awesome than others. So today, we're doing a hot or not of the women's draw.

Hot: Justine Henin. Yes, she may have been outclubbed by A-Kley in Indian Wells, but she's only just outside the seeds here and I think she's rad. I don't expect her to win the tournament, but let's just say I don't expect her to lose in the next round.

Not: Alize Cornet. I do expect her to lose in the next round. In fact, I'm pretty well flabbergasted she won the first one.

Hot: Carla Suarez Navarro. Not the most consistent player ever, but she plays crushworthy tennis. Her single handed backhand is the only one in the women's game fit to be mentioned in the same paragraph as JuJu's.

Not: Patty Schnyder. She's on the way down, and I don't think she's going to come back up again.

Hot: Elena Baltacha. Where has this girl come from? She's been burning it up - Anne Keothavong better not sit too pretty in that #1 British girl spot and Laura Robson better not start thinking British women's tennis is all about her...

Not: Tamira Paszek. I used to be a huge fan, but she hasn't really done anything to warrant this huge fandom. Come back to me when you've done something slightly more awesome, Tammy P.

Hot: Kimiko Date Krumm. Enough said. She's, what, 40, and still rolling strong? Love and respect.

Not: Melanie Oudin. People rave about her. I don't get it. Get off the stage.

Agreements? Disagreements? Happy to take all views into consideration...