When the Ground is Red

I could have written this post last year and I don't think anyone would have been able to tell. If I had called the opponent Mr X, then I guarantee no one would have been able to tell.

Put Rafa Nadal on clay - particularly, it seems, the clay of Monte Carlo - and it doesn't matter who is on the other side of the net, because he's going to win. The opponent, in many ways, is beaten before he even begins. No one dethrones Rafa Nadal in Monte Carlo. And, as it is the first tournament of the clay season (the proper clay season, none of this Golden Swing ridiculousness), it's an ominous note for the rest of the ATP.

When the ground is red, it's Rafa's time. (As well as all those other times when it's Rafa's time.)

I don't think Rafa played anywhere near his true abilities on clay today - not even close. And yet, even playing at, what, 70%? 75%? there was no way Daveed Ferrer was touching him. And Ferrer is not exactly sub-par when it comes to clay - he has a clay title already this year, which he earned by beating Almagro, the Prince of Clay. But when it comes to Rafa...

It must be so hard for people to come out against Rafa on clay and expect to win. Belief is a huge ingredient of the tennis... cake? pie? and it is a rare man who comes out with even the faintest hint of belief that he'll win. This is why Nadal/Djokovic on clay will be such an interesting match, I think, whensoe'er it happens (and it seems likely that it will, at some point), because if there is one thing Novak has never struggled with, it's belief.

But that is a match for another day. Today is all about Rafa, and one of the most ridiculous tournament streaks we have ever seen. Congratulations, Rafa. When the ground is red, you are terrifyingly, ridiculously good.

Game Over

So now that David Ferrer has got to the final, he has basically won. We already knew that Rafa would win the tournament, so getting that cookie tray is nearly the same as winning...

...back tomorrow, when Rafa actually has won. Again.

Knights of the Bround Table

SCENE #1 [INT] - A MEETING ROOM IN MIAMI

Enter RAFA. The room is big and cavernous, dominated by a large round table. There are ten chairs around the table. Only one is occupied.

AX #1 - Whitney Houston, And I Will Always Love You

The fog machine turns on. Everything goes slow motion. ROGER raises his hand to his hair and brushes a stray Lindt chocolate curl out of his eyes.

ROGER: Oh hi, Rafa - I didn't see you there! You're early. Get up off the floor - you're going to hurt your knees again if you keep falling to the ground. You are so clumsy!

RAFA: Yes... I... am very clumsy, no? Hola, Rogelio.

ROGER: Hi.

RAFA: Hi.

ROGER and RAFA giggle.

RAFA: Why did you summon me here? We only play Knights of the Round Table for Players' Council, no? I didn't think we had that for another few months.

ROGER: Well -

RAFA: Can I be Lancelot?

ROGER: Sure.

RAFA: Is impossible for me to ever be Arthur. You are the best Arthur, Rogelio.

ROGER: Thanks, Rafa!

Enter NOLE.

NOLE: Honestly, you two make me sick.

ROGER: Just because you got voted out of Camelot - I mean, off the Players' Council - doesn't mean you have to be mean, Nole.

Enter A-Rod.

A-ROD: Yeah, Novak, the king is not dead yet.

NOLE: You are almost as bad as Rafa.

A-ROD: Want me to shove you in a locker again?

NOLE: I'd like to see you try.

A-ROD: It's no wonder you got voted off the Players' Council. You were always too sick to go to the meetings. SARS, bird flu, common cough and cold -

NOLE: Hey, I don't remember you ever being on the Council at all, Andy.

RAFA: Please don't fight. Fighting musses up Roger's hair.

A-ROD: Sorry, Roger.

ROGER: It's okay.

NOLE: Andy wishes he had hair to muss up.

A-ROD: Hey, too far, dude, too far.

RAFA: Is okay, Andy. I sympathise.

Enter FEVER and FERRU.

FEVER: Hola, Rafa!

FERRU: Hi guys!

A-ROD: Is his hair actually dripping with gel?

ROGER: Be nice, Andy.

FEVER (to RAFA): Hey, I heard from Lopez that you and Other Lopez BROke up.

FERRU: Yeah, he's playing doubles with Other Daveed.

FEVER: Nalbandian?

FERRU: No. Other Other David.

FEVER: I'm sorry, Rafa. It's always hard to lose a bro.

RAFA: ...who is Other Lopez again?

NOLE: It is just so easy for you to forget your bros, isn't it, Rafa?

RAFA: Hey, I'm bronogamous. I'm not polyamobrous like you. Where is your bro Andy anyway?

A-ROD: Whoa, whoa. Novak and I are NOT BROS. I'm bros with Roger.

RAFA: NO YOU ARE NOT! ROGELIO IS MY BRO! EVEN HIS DAD AND MY UNCLE ARE BROS! WE ARE MEANT TO BE!

A-ROD: Whoa... sorry.

RAFA: And anyway, I meant Andy Murray. Other Andy.

NOLE: We lost in doubles today. He's probably crying and hugging his Playstation.

ROGER: Losing is one of the reasons I've called you here today. If you can all just sit -

Enter THE YOKER, as if walking into a saloon in a Western movie. Music twangs. A moment of silent. A tumbleweed rolls by.

THE YOKER: Hello.

RAFA (to ROGER): You invited him? You know we're fighting!

THE YOKER: You invited him? You know we're fighting!

RAFA: You're imitating me again, no?

THE YOKER: You're imitating me again, no?

RAFA: Rogelio, I'm not comfortable with this.

THE YOKER: Rogelio, I'm not comfortable with this.

ROGER: Robin, that's enough. Come on, let's all be friends.

Enter BIG BERD.

BIG BERD: Um, how about no?! Let's not be friends!

ROGER: ...whatever you want, Tomas. Come on, let's sit down.

Enter JURGEN SCHMERGEN.

JURGEN SCHMERGEN: Sorry I'm late, Roger.

RAFA (sotto voce): His name is Rogelio.

ROGER: That's all right, Jurgen. Come on, guys. Time to sit. And I'll explain why I called you here.

NOLE: Out of interest, how did you get my number?

ROGER: Off Rafa's phone.

BIG BERD: And how did you get my number?

ROGER: I got My Friend Stanley to find it for me.

BIG BERD: That's -

ROGER (shouting): Sit down, all of you!

EVERYONE sits.

RAFA: Are you mad, Rogelio? I don't want you to be mad.

ROGER: I'm fine.

RAFA: Are you going to wear the crown like in Players' Council?

ROGER: Not today.

THE YOKER: Shut up, Rafa.

RAFA: Hey!

THE YOKER: Why are we here?

ROGER: As you might have noticed, I have summoned the top ten players in the world here today -

JURGEN SCHMERGEN: But there are only nine of us!

ROGER: You're right. Who are we missing?

Enter MUZZ, hugging his Playstation.

MUZZ: Do you mind if I plug in over here and keep playing while -

ROGER: Yes, we mind.

MUZZ: You're so mean.

RAFA: Do not speak ill of Rogelio!

THE YOKER: You are such a suck up, Rafa!

BIG BERD: Yeah, why would you want to suck up to him?

NOLE: Exactly.

A-ROD: I meant it about the locker, Nole.

FERRU: I feel like I should be on the treadmill right now.

FEVER: Is there a mirror in here?

ROGER: SILENCE!

Silence.

RAFA: We are all very sorry, Rogelio. We won't do it again.

ROGER: Thank you. Now, we, the top ten of the ATP, are gathered here today at the round table to talk about something very serious that is happening in Miami. Namely, the fact that we are not behaving like the top ten. We are losing, guys. We are not playing well.

NOLE: Um, excuse me, I don't want to sound arrogant or anything, but I don't remember losing, oh, well, THIS YEAR.

ROGER: Nole -

NOLE: And I believe I am ranked HIGHER THAN YOU.

ROGER: That is not the point.

NOLE: Um, YES IT IS.

RAFA: Novak, behave.

NOLE: No! I am #2 now, and -

RAFA: And I am #1 and I am telling you to SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP.

NOLE subsides and sits down.

FEVER: Wow, Rafa, I didn't know you had the cojones.

RAFA: Shhh. Rogelio is talking now.

ROGER: Thank you. Anyway, as I was saying, there seems to be quite a few - how shall I put it delicately?

THE YOKER (looking at RAFA): Losers?

ROGER: - sitting at this table. And we are the top ten, guys. We are meant to be an exclusive brotherhood -

RAFA: Brotherhood? But I thought I was your only bro!

A-ROD: I'm his bro too, you know. Andy Broddick, that's me.

THE YOKER: I am nobody's bro. I am Batman AND Robin. Brobin. I am my own bro.

BIG BERD: I don't want to be anyone's bro. Except maybe Bert. We are Sesame Street bros.

NOLE: Speak for yourself. If you ever call me Bert again, I will beat you. With a tennis racquet.

A-ROD: That'll be hard to do from the locker I'm going to shove you into.

ROGER: OKAY, MAYBE BROTHERHOOD WAS THE WRONG WORD. Let me explain my point... through song.

SONG #1 - We are the Top Ten
[tune: We are the Champions by Queen. Lyrics by Jodi]

ROGER:
We've lost matches
We've all done that
We've lost them early
Yes, we've all done that
But this week's been
Embarrassing
We can't go on with all of this dead weight
We're carrying

We are the top ten, you guys
And we're being swatted - like flies!
We are the top ten
We need to know when
To bring in new blood
Into the top ten in the world.

It's one thing to lose
Another to fall
We can't win all of the matches all of the time
But we can't lose them all

It's time for hard choices
It's time now to choose
We're the top ten and we need to be awesome
Not be guys who lose.

We are the top ten, it seems
For us, winning should not be a dream
We are the top ten
The ATP top men
We should be winning
Because we are the top ten in the world.

ROGER: Is that clear?

A-ROD: Well, it was Queen.

RAFA: Rogelio is King!

NOLE: Dude. Please.

ROGER: It's normal for us to lose a match now and then, guys. Even a first round match. But look what's happened this week. It's been a total disaster. I think it's time.

FERRU: Time for what?

ROGER: To audition new members of the top ten.

A-ROD: But who's getting voted off the island?

EVERYONE turns to look at FEVER. FEVER doesn't notice. He is too busy admiring himself in a small handheld mirror.

FEVER: ...what?

ROGER: Fernando. It's hard to say this, but -

THE YOKER: You have lost too many matches this year. You're out.

EVERYONE looks at THE YOKER.

THE YOKER: What? I tell it like it is. It's my thing.

FEVER: Look, there were circumstances. It was that Raonic kid, I swear, he's unnatural.

FERRU: Amigo, I think it's time to go.

FEVER: But I dated Ana Ivanovic! And maybe Caroline Wozniacki!

NOLE: She's giving me roses now, dude. And Ana and I... well, we had good times at Hopman Cup, if you know what I mean. Self five.

NOLE high fives himself.

A-ROD: Besides, if anyone here has a smoking hot lady friend, Nando, it's me. Have you seen my wife?

NOLE: Pity she hasn't helped your tennis.

A-ROD: Dude. I've won a title already this year, thank you very much. And made a final.

NOLE: Oh yeah? Well, I won Dubai, Indian Wells, and... hmmm, what was it? the Australian Open. What did you win?

A-ROD: ...Memphis.

NOLE: I move we kick Roddick out too.

ROGER: I think there's another Andy we need to discuss first.

EVERYONE looks at MUZZ, who is staring into space, playing air-Playstation.

JURGEN SCHMERGEN: ...now that's just sad.

MUZZ: What?

ROGER: Andy. You haven't won a single set since the Australian Open.

MUZZ: Yeah, well, I lost to Nole. And I think he's been beating you too, so... haha.

ROGER: Yes, but I haven't lost to Donald Young. Or Alex Bogomolov Jr.

EVERYONE: ...who?

ROGER: Good question. I had to write it down to remember their names.

MUZZ: You can't vote me out. I just won Miami.

A-ROD: Look, Other Andy, I'm sorry to break it to you, but -

MUZZ: I won it on my air Playstation. And what do you mean, Other Andy? I'm Andy. You're Other Andy.

ROGER: It might be time for you to take a nice rest, Andy.

A-ROD and MUZZ: Huh?

ROGER: I am so glad I am the only Roger.

RAFA: There could only ever be one Rogelio.

NOLE: Spew.

ROGER: Jurgen Schmergen, show Mr Murray and Mr Verdasco out, please.

MUZZ: No! You can't do this!

ROGER: There are Playstations out there.

MUZZ: Oh! Okay!

THE YOKER: Guess who's the real #4 now.

FEVER: I don't want to go either!

ROGER: There are also mirrors. And hair gel.

FEVER: Where is the door again?

JURGEN SCHMERGEN: Do I have to stay out there with them? I lost to my friend Petszche today.

ROGER: You are on probation, but you can stay. You too, Andy.

MUZZ: But I thought I had to go.

ROGER: The other Andy.

MUZZ: Ha! You are Other Andy!

A-ROD: Oh, shut up.

Exit JURGEN SCHMERGEN with MUZZ and FEVER. JURGEN SCHMERGEN re-enters and takes his seat at the round table.

ROGER: Andy - Roddick Andy, that is - although you are probably numerically going to fall out of the top ten, I am permitting to stay due to your years of good service.

A-ROD: Thanks, man.

NOLE: What do you mean, YOU are permitting him, Mr Ranked Three?

RAFA: Anything Rogelio says, I will back up.

NOLE rolls his eyes.

ROGER: Now, remember - it is a privilege to be in the top ten, not a right. This council can reconvene at any moment.

BIG BERD: But now we are only a top eight, Mr I Am So Good At Counting.

ROGER: I was getting to that. It looks like we need some new members to sit at this round table. So let's take some nominations.

NOLE: Troicki.

ROGER: Absolutely not.

A-ROD: No.

FERRU: Never.

THE YOKER: You have got to be yoking.

NOLE: Why?

BIG BERD: No minions.

NOLE: Um, excuse me, Rafa has a minion here.

NOLE points to FERRU.

FERRU: Um, excuse me, I beat him in Australia. And I took a set off your bro Murray.

NOLE: Dude, he is NOT my bro.

FERRU: And I'm not a minion, so shut your face. How about Almagro?

A-ROD: No minions!

BIG BERD: Monfils?

JURGEN SCHMERGEN: Too bendy. Besides, we both dated the same girl. Awkward.

A-ROD: Tsonga?

FERRU: Too always injured.

ROGER: Del Potro?

THE YOKER: Give him time. We need to prepare ourselves.

RAFA: Youzhny?

A-ROD: Too head-smashy.

NOLE: Nalbandian?

RAFA: No. He used to beat me all the time.

A-ROD: Well, that's good, isn't it?

BIG BERD: Yeah, we don't want losers.

RAFA: ...then he stopped beating me all the time.

BIG BERD: Oh.

A-ROD: Mardy Fish?

FERRU: No minions!

BIG BERD: Cilic?

NOLE: Are you joking?

BIG BERD: Well, he beat Verdasco a few weeks back.

NOLE: Who HASN'T beaten Verdasco?

THE YOKER: How about Dolgopolov? He beat me.

ROGER: His hair is too nice.

NOLE: You're just bitter about the doubles in Indian Wells.

ROGER: At least I made it to the final. How did you and Andy go again?

NOLE: You cannot blame that on me.

RAFA (sotto voce): Polyamobrousness is wrong.

ROGER: What about My Friend Stanley?

RAFA's eyes fill with tears.

RAFA: You don't mean that.

NOLE: No. Minions.

ROGER: Well, we've ruled out just about everyone. Come on, guys, we need two new guys for the top ten. We can't have a top ten with eight people in it.

BIG BERD: I'm tired.

THE YOKER: Maybe we should call Murray and Nando back.

ROGER: I could try singing another song, if that would help.

RAFA: Yes!

EVERYONE ELSE: No!

A-ROD: I think we're just going to have to let the computer decide.

FERRU: But then you probably won't be in the top ten.

A-ROD: Oh.

BIG BERD: If you lose to Cuevas you deserve to be kicked out.

A-ROD: You lost to Golubev in Davis Cup.

BIG BERD: Shut up.

A-ROD: Make me.

JURGEN SCHMERGEN: This is not helpful.

ROGER: Remember Davydenko? He was in the top ten for a while.

EVERYONE: No.

ROGER: ...yeah, me neither. Not really.

RAFA: We are not getting anywhere with this.

NOLE: Is this what Players' Council meetings are like now I'm not on it?

ROGER: It is much easier to get things done. Mostly because everyone is too busy worshipping me.

RAFA: I have an idea.

ROGER: What is your idea, Rafa?

RAFA produces a bottle of Bacardi.

RAFA: I think that this meeting would be much better with some responsible drinking, no?

THE YOKER: Finally. Something we can agree on.

One Step At A Time

There is no three title run for Nicolas Almagro. Such a thing was not writ in his destiny. Instead, David 'Lord Farquaad' Ferrer took the title. And he is looking gooooooooood. Australia was no fluke. David Ferrer is a force to be reckoned with and no mistake.

He is one of those dudes that, given the right draw, could go very, very deep at Roland Garros. Or even given the wrong draw. No one expected him to end up in the semis in Australia, and yet semis he made. So keep an eye on this one. No telling where he'll pop up.

He will be seeded. This we know. And he will be seeded high. So while it probably wouldn't be a top player's MOST FAVOURITE THING EVER to have Ferru land in their quarter, he's hardly a dangerous floater.

One of the other winners over the weekend, on the other hand, is. Welcome home, Juan Martin del Potro.

I don't want to go proclaiming that JMDP is 'back' in some definable sense of the word or anything like that. For one, that's not really a quantifiable concept; and two, it's a long way back up to where he was, because he was forced to fall from so very high. But winning titles is the way to get back up there - step by step, rung by rung, hand over hand on the ladder.

Sure, it was a Mickey Mouse tournament - there's not much else going on this week. But Mardy Fish and Janko Tipsarevic are quality opponents and JMDP basically ate them for breakfast. These are all good signs, positive signs. While Juan's results over the Australian summer might not have been spectacular on paper, I think they did give him some useful matchplay. Want to get your eye in? Try playing three hours against Feliciano Lopez. It's been a grinding, wearing summer for JMDP, but it is paying off.

Delray Beach is JMDP's first title since he lifted the trophy at the US Open in 2009. I don't see him lifting another Slam trophy this year - or maybe not even next year - but these signs are all good. In a lesser field, his return might be quicker. Unfortunately, we have an extraordinary level of depth in men's tennis at the moment, crowned with some truly extraordinary players at the top. If JMDP is going to get back up there, climb the mountain again, it's going to take a while. No single title win is suddenly going to propel him back among the echelons of the top ten.

But there's only one way to climb a mountain, and that's step by step. And winning Delray Beach is quite a large step - one might almost call it a leap.

If A Tree Falls And No One's There...

I have found myself spectacularly uninvolved in the world of tennis this week. I know it should have been the first week that I really cared post-Australian Open, what with the return of my main man Roger, but no. I found this week terribly, terribly dull.

This is not to say that I am not a bit cross with the selfsame Roger Federer for his performance in the Dubai final. Djokovic is playing so well at the moment that even if he had played better I don't know if he would have been able to win, but missing overheads? Dude, seriously? Ferd the turd was out in this match in full force.

So let's not talk about him. Or I will shout. LIKE THIS. Instead, let's talk about Nicolas Almagro, who keeps, like, winning stuff. Like, lots of stuff.

He is in his third straight final, going for his third straight title. I know these are Mickey Mouse clay tournaments, but that is still pretty impressive. Almagro is a fearsome claycourter at the best of times (he is, after all, the Prince of Clay) but this is a good run for him. This is a run I don't think Rafa would be ashamed to have to his name, if Rafa were the kind of dude that played these tournaments.

And now Almagro is going up against another Spanish dude in the in-form David Ferrer. And you've got to think... if you've just played about 2394729387 matches on the trot, David Ferrer is the last dude you want to face. (Ask Rafa.) Because here is the thing - three finals in a row is a great result, but is it the best idea for your body?

As far as I recall, Almagro is not the most injury prone dude. He's no Tsonga, that's for sure. But clay is a demanding surface and even when you're winning pretty comfortably, as he has generally been doing, it's got to take a toll on your body. Again, let's look at Rafa, the clay machine. I think we can all agree that Rafa's fitness is superhuman, that he is lightyears ahead of the field on clay, and that there is quite a high possibility that he is a cyborg. And yet he didn't win those three Masters 1000s on clay until he stopped playing Barcelona.

If Almagro gets good draws - ie. doesn't come up against that selfsame Rafa, or Federer, or Djokovic - he is perfectly capable of going very deep in the important clay tournaments to come. On clay, he is top ten in the world, no doubt. But if he guns it too hard now, when no one's around, then he's going to burn out. And no one will remember these tournament wins here... because, as always, Roland Garros will eclipse everything.

(On Roland Garros - there is a slight possibility I might actually attend for a day or two this year! How cool is that?!)

No Accident

If I have learned one thing from this Australian Open, it is this: never, ever underestimate David Ferrer.

I have been guilty of doing this for a long time. He's sort of my anti-Kohlschreiber - I always expect Kohlschreiber to do better than he does, and I always expect Ferrer to do worse than he does. In fact, if you asked me before this tournament who I genuinely thought I was a better player, I might have even said Kohlschreiber. David Ferrer is the ultimate under-the-radar guy.

It's amazing how he's managed to stay under the radar when he's made multiple Slam semis. I knew this, and I still continually underestimated him. I didn't even notice he was in the tournament till he played Raonic in the first round, and even then I had a mental asterisk next to him that said 'bunny'.

'Oh, he will lose to Rafa easily!' thought I. Obviously this was not to be. Sure, Rafa was injured, but he was still moving, still fighting. It must be very easy to lose to a wounded warrior - to get so excited about them being on the ropes that you forget about the business of winning the match. And Rafa, while obviously hampered, wasn't quite on crutches yet.

Ferrer kept his head. He played smart tennis, and he won - deservedly so - in straights. There was a lot of attention on how humble Rafa was, refusing to talk about his injury and giving credit to his opponent. Sure, he was very humble - it was a great press conference. But he was also right. Ferrer won this match. Full credit.

But still, thought I, 'oh, he has no chance against Andy Murray! Muzz will hand his arse to him!'

And yes, Ferrer lost. But he went down swinging like a real champion. He played amazingly to get that first set, and if he had taken that set point in the second set, who knows what direction the match would have taken?

This has been a great tournament for Ferrer. But he didn't get to the semis by accident. And I - and everyone else - need to remember that Ferrer deserves all the glory he can get. No more under the radar. Let's stand up and applaud David Ferrer.

Here Be Monsters

Today is not a tennis day that made me happy.

There is Rafa. Oh, Rafa. I didn't actually realise how much I loved you until I saw you struggling to play through pain - and it must have been a lot of pain to hamper you so badly. What a sad way for your quest for the Rafa Slam to end.

And then there is Justine, retiring for the second time. Her elbow is too fragile for her to continue. I guess we can just be grateful for the time we had.

These are obviously not exactly connected issues, so let's start with Rafa. In fact, let's start with David Ferrer, who played an outstanding match. I want to take absolutely nothing away from the killer performance he put in here. I have seriously never seen him rip so many winners. And even though I knew he was the Energiser bunny, I had no conception of how fast he was. That seriously surprises me every time.

And when you're Rafa, and you're clearly injured - even if you are being so gracious and not talking about it - the Energiser bunny, who will make you play ball after ball after ball, is the last person you want to play.

Rafa was such a gentleman about his performance. He didn't want to talk about his injury, he said, because he didn't want to detract from the performance of his opponent. Full credit here. More than full credit. This is the kind of behaviour that led him to getting the sportsmanship award as voted by the other players.

Murray's road to the final suddenly got a whole lot easier. He may have lost a set to everyone's new favourite Dolgopolov (whom we all Dolgopolove) but he is still the form player on this side by a mile. With Soderling and Nadal swept out of his path, he practically has a free ticket straight to the final. Great as David Ferrer played - and even though he has a winning record over Murray - I don't see Ferrer doing much to hurt the Muzz.

But I would have said that about Nadal, so go figure.

And then the other tragic news - the second retirement of Justine Henin. I thought there was no way she would ever come back from her first retirement, but this time it's final. Her body physically will not let her play. She can't. And so we have lost her.

I adore watching Henin. Her backhand is the most beautiful shot in women's tennis and now we have lost it forever - and when he eventually lose Francesca Schiavone, we may lose the one-handed backhand altogether. But it's not just her backhand - and her game - we're losing. We're losing Juju. We're losing everything she has brought to tennis. And she's losing her chance at a Wimbledon title.

We'll miss you, Justine. I cannot tell you how much we will miss you.

Federjoy, Soderwoe

So, if the reports of the match I'm reading are true, the scoreline was closer than it actually was. Roger Federer over Robin Soderling, 7-6 6-3. It looks like a tight one, but I get the feeling it wasn't, really. Not with the way people are writing about it.

Of course, if I'd actually seen it I could judge for myself... but I'm going to settle with 'wow, this is an excellent result, about which I am very glad!' He got a hawkeye call right. A HAWKEYE CALL, the thing at which he is the worst in the world. When he's getting those in, you know something is going right.

I am, however, very disappointed that Soderling did not qualify. If only he had got off to a better start with that Murray match... that was the match that decided qualification, really. Much as David Ferrer is a solid player, it wasn't hard to pick that he was going to go 0 and 3 in this group with these players. And with Federer playing lightyears better than anyone else in the group right now... it was all down to that first match on that first day. And Soderling was the one that stumbled, even though you would definitely argue that he had better form coming in.

Oh well. Alas, poor Robin. He goes back to #5 in the world now (I think?) but I'm sure he'll be making another charge soon enough. He doesn't have any points to defend at the Australian Open, after all...

But we should spend some time talking about Andy Murray, who, to his credit, pulled out a solid win over David Ferrer today after his spectacularly disappointing performance against Federer. Ferrer... well, to say that he didn't really turn up would be fair, I think, but let this take nothing away from Toothface, who kept his foot on the accelerator and raced away to a quick straight sets win.

However. If he plays at this level against Nadal, whom I assume he will play in the semis (given that Nadal is in poll position to qualify in top position in that group), Rafa will strike him down like the hand of God. If Muzz wants to be in the final, he's really going to have to step it up.

Rainbows

I see rainbows. And sparkles. And unicorns. And sunshine. And all good things. Because we saw some old school Federer Express Ultimate God Tennis (tm) today.

I know Murray wasn't at his best, but you know what? Federer wouldn't LET him be at his best. He totally embarrassed Murray out there today. It was a clinic. It was a schooling. It was a two-hoof beatdown. It was exactly what I wanted to see from him, and exactly the kind of tennis he should be playing to end the year with confidence.

It was both what he wanted and what he needed. And if he continues along this merry orgasmic-tennis-playing way, he is going to strike fear into the hearts of everyone else for 2011. Big time.

Basically, I thought it was the best thing ever. Yep. More of that, please. I love it. And I know a good close tennis match can be a frazzly wonderment of entertainment, but when it's you, Roger, give me my beatdowns. Give me the Australian Open 2007 semis. Give me the Federer Express. Give me rainbows.

Oh, and Robin Soderling beat David Ferrer, thus keeping his hopes open for qualification. While I do want him to qualify, I don't want him to beat Roger... I'm not sure if this is mathematically possible, but we'll see, we'll see!

Batman Wins, Robin Falls

As a Federfan, I could not have asked for a better start to the World Tour Finals for my guy. He was pretty much awesome today. It wasn't quite Ultimate God Tennis, but it was... about Batman level. Sure, he was only playing Ferrer - 'only' Ferrer, like any guy at the WTF can be 'only' - but he didn't give into his tendency to let his bunnies get away with a win and he put the hammer down where it was necessary. Nice one.

Ferrer did not play so well. I guess he'll just have to be happy to be nominated.

So, as a Federfan, I am happy with the Roger side of things. However, I really, really had my money on Soderling to take down Murray, and I was sorely disappointed. Not only was it a loss, but it was a pretty easy loss too. Murray had a gameplan which he executed beautifully. Soderling never once looked like he had an answer.

This win will give Murray a confidence boost that I don't think any of the other guys will be too keen on him having. To beat Soderling, who has so recently passed him in the rankings, has to be pretty sweet for him. He'll feel like he's asserted his authority and staked his claim to that #4 spot (remember when Murray was #2? that was weird) and it could give him a loooooot of confidence going forward.

You pretty much have to see Murray going forward out of this group now, unless Soderling pulls two absolute blinders out of his hat and beats both Ferrer (quite likely) and Federer (maybe not quite so likely). That makes me a bit sad, because I really wanted the Roger/Robin duo to go forward. But then this isn't about me... much as I might like to think it is!

Oh, and the calendar has been shortened for 2012. Sort of. That will give me a little something to talk about in the off-season coming up...

Rhyme On The Quiet Time Before The First Point Is Played

'Tis the day before the championships
And all through TennisLand
Not much is happening
Despite my demands

Rafa, Nole, Muzza
Yoker, Ferru, Roger
Big Berd and the A-Rod
Lounging like old codgers

Because nothing will happen
Until the Sabbath day
The courts are all quiet
There's nothing to say

I have naught to write about -
For I have done my preview!
Do you think that rhyme
Will bring any more pageviews?

I think not, but my problem
Is that I have zilch to write!
So let's end this post here -
Good day and good night.

Round Robin Roger Rafa

Groups! We have groups! That should give me something to talk about today! Yay!

The general consensus seems to be agree that Nadal's group is a hell of a lot easier than Federer's, and I would tend to agree. However, Rafa hasn't played that much since the US Open, so while he might be fresh, he might also be rusty, so that could even them out quite well.

But let us analyse.

Team Rafa: We have Rafa himself, Novak Djokovic, Tomas Berdych and Andy Roddick.

Team Roger: The Fed Express, Andy Murray, Robin Soderling and David Ferrer.

Let's start with Team Rafa. I'm definitely seeing Berdych going zero and three in this group. No matter what group he was in, I think I would see this coming, because he has been playing stupendously badly. I'm actually thinking that Andy Roddick might stand a really excellent chance at winning this group. He's got the hard court prowess to take any of these guys, except perhaps Rafa on an awesome day. He'll definitely beat Berdych, probably Djokovic, and I think he stands a good shot at beating Rafa.

I see Rafa finishing second and qualifying, but Djokovic is really the dark horse for me in this group. It seems strange to say that about the world number #3, but there it is. He's combined some excellent play with some awful play recently and it depends which way he goes. Whoever wins the Rafa-Nole matchup is going through, in my book. And I am pretty sure that will be Rafa, unless he gets all injured or something.

Over to Team Roger now, and this group really doesn't have an obvious 'I'm losing every match' dude like Berdych in the other group. If you had to pick one, you might pick Ferrer, but he has been playing very, very well lately, and I wouldn't count him out.

I think Soderling and Federer both stand excellent chances at winning this group, and those are the two I'd put my money on to qualify. However, they can both be prone to sketchiness and both had long weeks in Paris... but yeah, I don't think that'll really affect them. Soderling is The Form Player coming in, and Roger - well, I wouldn't really be counting him out.

Murray is in a similar position to Djokovic in this group - he could dark horse his way into qualifying if he beats one of Soderling and Federer. I don't really have a read on his performance at the moment, though - will the home crowd gee him up or tear him down? He's been affected by it at Wimbledon, but as this tournament isn't quite such a big deal, maybe he can turn it to his advantage here...?

Elite Eight (and Mr Melzer)

The line up is set for the World Tour Finals. The lucky three to get through are Roddick, Ferrer and Berdych. I wish Melzer had made it through instead of Berdych, but as was pointed out to me yesterday by reader Yolita (thanks!), this was in fact mathematically impossible. Pretty sure the only way we get Melzer now is if one of the Elite Eight shuts down for the year, and I don't want that to happen.

This qualification happened because Monfils beat Verdasco, who I am very glad did not qualify - he really didn't deserve it. Berdych lost to Davydenko (bit sad he wasn't in contention, but then, he didn't really do anything to deserve it, apart from having a cracker start to the year) but is still through, and Melzer came through to face Federer in the quarters, but is not through. Oh, and Llodra beat Djokovic.

The way he's playing at the moment, Berdych is going to be easy pickings for the other dudes at the WTF, and - I don't want to jinx it, especially because he made the finals of Basel last week, but nonetheless - I have a sneaking suspicion we might see Djokovic go 0 and 3 as well. Unless, of course, Berdych and Djokovic are in the same group, in which case Novak's getting at least one win. Djokovic's results have actually not been that bad of late, Llodra-loss today aside, but I am just spectacularly unconvinced by his play. Maybe it's just because he's been tagged twice by Federer since the US Open and I'm biased, but he feels a little lackadaisical to me at the mo.

But he ain't got nothing on Berdych.

Also, I think we have to give a big shout out to Andy Roddick, forever the forgotten quantity of the top ten. His longevity gets overlooked because of the longevity of his peer Federer - understandable, due to their comparative success rates - but qualifying for the WTF eight times in a row? Dude, that is super. Well done, A-Rod. You keep on keeping on. And who knows? If you end up in a group with Berdych and Djokovic (or even if you don't), you might find yourself in the semis or even in the final of the WTF. I would be a little surprised if it happened, but not a lot surprised. And when your field contains the like of Nadal, Federer, Murray, Soderling and, yes, Djokovic, that is saying something.

Bercy, Daveed and the WTF

Bercy! The forgotten Masters. The one that no one who is anyone really cares about because the World Tour Finals are in, like, two seconds... except the people that are trying to qualify for the finals, because hello, points, who are thus wearing themselves out before these finals even happen.

Sorry for that Sentence of Doom.

But seriously, here we are in Bercy, one of the stupidest placed tournaments on the calendar in term of care factor - dudes, I know that you want to finish the year with a bang for the non-WTFers, but you make it very hard for anyone to care about you - and we have a bunch of guys who are after the remaining three spots. The front runners, the way I see it, are David Ferrer, Tomas Berdych, Jurgen Melzer and Andy Roddick. One is going to miss out, of course, but it has to be out of those four. I think. Maybe Fernando Verdasco is in there. But with his epic losingness, I don't think he's going to be in there.

I'm really hoping Berdych is the one who misses out, because a) I don't like him very much and b) apart from Wimbledon, what has he really done? But I think he's up there in points... oh, I don't know. I don't understand their crazy maths.

I do understand, however, that Jurgen Melzer and David Ferrer have helped their chances by winning - a skin of the teeth thing for Ferrer, but a win nonetheless! Match of the day, though, has to go to Murray and Nalbandian. You had him, Daveed! You so could have kicked his arse if you'd just kept your level up! But maybe you did me and the Fedfans of the world a favour by losing... we don't want Murray all fresh for the WTF, do we?

History And Stuff

So, as suspected, That Wimbledon Final The Sequel turned out to be no big deal. Despite getting broken (and, indeed, facing his first break points) of the tournament, Federer cruised to an easy win in this one. I suppose you could say that it's proof that he really did break Roddick in That Wimbledon Final, but when the record stands at 19-2 I think you have a little more history than one match to back it up.

Anyway. Djokovic beat Troicki (who, once again, proved his complete inability to win anything after failing to close out a set after being 40-0 and three set points up) and so he will face Federer in the final. Now this could be an interesting match. Djokovic will want to retain his title, Federer will want some revenge - and the shades of the US Open are still hanging over them. I don't know how significant it will be in the greater scheme of things, but in the world leading up to the World Tour Finals, I think it will be very interesting indeed.

Speaking of the WTF, apparently David Ferrer is in qualifying contention. Um, really? He's having a gun of a tournament in Valencia at the moment, but I seriously cannot point to one major result he has had all year. This may not necessarily be his fault - I guess it's proof that the Big Four (plus maybe Soderling) tend to skew proceedings - but I seriously would not have picked Ferru as a contender. Hope he does well in Valencia, though. That would be an awesome result for him, and I do have a bit of a soft spot for him in my heart.

And oh yeah, Bali - aka the tournament I completely forgot was happening. Apparently Ana Ivanovic is in the final. What's up with that? Since when has Ana been in the final of anything? I mean, good on her and stuff, but I read that someone is now putting her on their list of major contenders for the Australian Open. I think I speak for a whole lot of people when I say HELL NO.

Andrey Time

It's time to talk about Andrey. And by talk, I mean gush.

I told you this kid was awesome! I told you that he was on the way up! And I was right!

Is this an upset of Soderling I see before me, belonging to Andrey? Why yes, it is. The Golubev freight train is picking up steam and it is powering onwards and upwards. Not only has he upset Soderling in convincing straights, but now Ferrer? Kid just doesn't know his place, and I love it.

The first time I ever really watched Golubev play, I was on a plane from Melbourne to Perth. I was flying there for a couple of days of the Hopman Cup, and I was watching one of the night ties on that little plane TV. It was Russia vs Kazakhstan, and Igor Andreev was taking on some kid called Andrey Golubev. Who is this kid?

I found out soon enough, when Golubev prevented Andreev from hitting a single winner for a set and a half. He was a demolition machine that week - that kid is something else. The Hopman Cup is a good place to capture the much-coveted attention of Jodi, and he did it in spades.

It could have just been a good week. But no, ever since he won his first title a couple of months ago, Andrey has been 100% solid awesome. He's improved his ranking by about 70 places since the beginning of the year, and now he's in the finals of Kuala Lumpur, it's only going to go up.

And trust me, if the kid can beat Soderling and Ferrer back to back, he can totally take Youzhny. Watch out, Headbanger!

David and David

So Roger didn't play his bestest tennis yesterday, but he won, and that made me happy. And his strawberry pink shirt also made me happy. It's so nice to see him wear something that's not blue.

Yes, I am shallow.

But happy as I was that my beloved R-Fed made it through, the match of the day went to David vs David, Nalbandian vs Ferrer, who played an absolute barnburner. It was close, but Nalbandian came out on top, and I think that's really telling. If he can keep his legs under him against an Energiser Bunny like Ferrer, then he's got a really good chance of holding his own against similar players. Like Nadal. Oh yes.

I love that Nadal/Nalbandian match up and I am gagging to see it again. We haven't seen Rafa since Wimbledon, so we don't know what's going on with him so much, but I'm presuming he's still keeping on keeping on, being Rafa and being awesome. Nalbandian in this kind of form... that could be lethal.

And hey, Nalbandian just finished his next match, and he absolutely slaughtered Tommy Robredo. There's a message to all the Spaniards out there... (okay, I haven't really looked at the draw and I don't know if Nalbandian is drawn to face Nadal any time soon, but I really want it to happen).

Nalbandian hasn't tested himself against a top ten player yet since his resurgence (I think? Unless I missed it?) and I'll be really interested to see how he does when that time come - because that time is clearly a-coming, with the way he's playing. Who knows what havoc Nalbandian can wreak? He could win this whole damn tournament, and I don't know if anyone would, at the end of the day, be surprised.

Keeping Spain Real

It had to happen sometime. Spain cannot win everything in the world.

Now that I have said this, watch Lopez and Verdasco come back from two sets down and then win their final two singles rubbers to take the tie. But as I write this, Spain are perilously close to being bundled out of the Davis Cup in straight rubbers.

Now that is a shock.

I know they don't have Nadal, but with the depth they have (and the number of pre-blooded Davis Cup heroes) you'd think that that wouldn't be an issue. But it looks like France have suddenly stopped being the wouldashouldacoulda team of the Davis Cup, realised that they have incredible amounts of talent pretty much oozing out of them, and done something about it.

Gael Monfils winning over David Ferrer is not a big shock. I think La Monf is the higher ranked player at the mo and he's certainly the most talented. The Spanish tend to come alive for Davis Cup, but Ferrer has a curiously poor record, comparatively. He's always the high ranked guy that gets yanked off singles to let some lower ranked guy be the hero (cf. Verdasco, the final in Argentina a couple of years back). And La Monfa, when he's not injured, is a mighty force to be reckoned with.

But Verdasco should never have lost that match against Llodra. Llodra is solid, for sure, but Verdasco is top ten. After all his previous Davis Cup heroics, he just might be Spain's undoing this time.

They've just won Wimbledon. They're probably going to win the World Cup. I guess this Davis Cup probably-loss is just keeping Spain real. They can't win everything. Just most things.

Oh Hi, Captain Obvious

It is absolutely KILLING me that the best match of the women's side so far is all tied up at one set all at the suspension of play. I want to know what happens, damn it!

Henin/Sharapova may not be one of the most immediately obvious of the WTA rivalries, but I think it is certainly one of the most compelling. I will never forget that three hour match they played at the year ending championships a few years back, where Henin got through - or that absolute beatdown MaSha put on JuJu at the AO early the next year. Even when neither is on top of their game, they both play totally watchable tennis when they play each other.

And, I confess, I'm sort of hoping they wear each other out and make Sam Stosur's path that little bit easier... look at me, all parochial. Who woulda thunk.

The winners: Rafa Nadal. Duh. He is putting the beatdown on anyone who so much as looks at him sideways. I know clay isn't Lleyton Hewitt's best surface, but Rafa put him down like a rabid dog. Scary stuff.

A beatdown was also issued by, surprisingly, Jurgen Melzer. Totes did not expect him to beat Ferrer, mostly because I had completely forgotten he existed. I'm pretty sure this is the Djokovic quarter, which means Melzer has a good a chance as any of winning it. Go the Jurgenator.

And from the women, let's talk Sam Stosur, who had a sweetly routine win over Anastasia Pivovarova. And let's also talk Daniela Hantuchova, whom I also always forget about, who triumphed unexpectedly against Yanina Wickmayer. Great stuff from both ladies.

The losers: David Ferrer. Big time. He had what was basically a clear path to the quarters, and he screwed it up and screwed it up good. Like, a screw up of an epic degree. I understand that Jurgen Melzer was playing awesome tennis, but straights, Ferru? Really?

And I have to put Yanina Wickmayer in here as well. I know DaniHani is massively talented, but hello, Yanina, so are you. I guess she's just come off elbow surgery, so I shouldn't be too harsh on her, but I totally thought she was a dark horse for this section of the draw. And I don't like being proven wrong.

Oh look, Captain Obvious has just paid us a visit? You know who was a big-ass loser today at Roland Garros? Andy Roddick. I know he was maybe sick and he doesn't exactly love clay, but he should at least have been able to take a set off Gabashvili. At least.

The disappointments: Juan Carlos Ferrero. I totally picked him to come through his section of the draw, and he did not do me proud, to say the least. You can beat Novak Djokovic is breathing a lot easier (allergies aside) now that the two Spaniards are out of his section. JCF totally had more in him than this.

And Alisa Kleybanova? WTF? I've seen Yaroslava Shvedova play live and she's got some serious game going on, but I thought Alisa would have been able to outclub her. Obviously I was wrong. Well done Slava, I guess.

Oh, and Captain Obvious has just informed me Marion Bartoli should be in here. I guess I never really pay enough attention to her (except to comment on her weird-ass shots) to notice when she loses.

The scraped-in-by-the-skin-of-teeth: Greetings, Nadia Petrova. I am so glad Nadz took out this match, not just because I like her (which I do) but because someone had to kill that damn gold dress. Nadz is super talented and totally deserves this fourth round run. I hope she can make it even further!

And oh hi, Robby Ginepri. I was very disappointed that your opponent JCF lost, but you totally deserved this win. Who woulda thunk you would be the good news story for American mens' tennis from this tournament? Certainly not me.

One to watch: Teimuraz Gabashvili. I know Roddick was not that well and doesn't like clay, but straights, dude? You've got a little sumthin' sumthin' going on if you can pull that one off. This could be his breakthrough tournament (even though it feels like he's been round for a million years...)

The Murray Conundrum

I would like to state right now that I am not going to even muse on the possibility of a Fedal final in Madrid. It will be a jinx. And Ferrer and Almagro are fierce players. Note that I am not mentioning any words like 'destiny'.

Instead, I want to talk about Andy Murray.

I completely forgot he was even in this tournament until he lost to Daveed Ferrer today. This is not just me not paying attention - this is, I believe, symptomatic of Murray's career over the last few months. It has been very easy to forget about Andy Murray. Too easy, when he's supposed to be ranked in the top five.

I don't know how much of this is his relative inability to play on clay and how much is the funk he is undoubtedly in. A quarter final in Madrid is actually not that bad a result, considering what other results he's been pulling over the last little while. And maybe this under the radar thing will work for him. He's certainly the dude that no one is talking about going into Roland Garros.

...where, we must remember, he made the quarters last year. His relative inability to play on clay is just that - relative. He's never going to be a dirtballer, let's put it that way.

But, all this aside, I can't help feeling that something is very wrong with Andy Murray. And with Wimbledon fast approaching, where expectations are going to hit him like a freight train, he's running out of time to straighten up and fly right. Because if he's in a hole now, imagine what the British media will do to him if he disappoints in SW19.