Cupcakes For Breakfast

So I think we're all agreed. The top half of the Indian Wells draw is cancelled. We're just sending Rafa Nadal straight to the final, yesno?

Seriously, I'm not one of the people who sees conspiracy theories in draws, but if Rafa's draw was any cupcakier I would be eating it right now. It is freaking ridiculous. I've seen some fluke-y draws in my time, but this one is practically a work of art in its cupcakiness. And it's not like it necessarily started out that way, either - it's evolved into this high form of cupcake art. Give a monkey a pen and eventually it'll write Hamlet; give tennis players racquets and one day you'll be left with Rafa and some cakes.

Let's review. In fact, I've got a very special guest here on Tennis From Beyond The Baseline to review for you. Say hola to Rafa, guys!

...

Hello. Hola. I'm Rafa Nadal, and I'm ranked #1 in the world. I had a bit of a sad loss at the Australian Open, but I'm still ranked #1 and I'm all better from my injury, and I'm coming off a pretty excellent Davis Cup weekend. I'm pretty awesome. On my day, I can beat just about anyone. Actually, that is actually everyone, because I'm more than pretty awesome.

I get a bye in my first round, because, hello, awesome. And then in my second round, I get Rik de Voest. He's a qualifier. I know it can toughen people up, that qualifying draw, and I like my cupcakes all gooey and moist, so I decide to give him - oh, he retired. Oops. Who knew.

Meanwhile, while this is going on, the other seeds in my section are playing. Sorry, did I say playing? I meant losing. Out goes Monaco, out goes Baghdatis, out goes Tsonga, and the dude who beat me at the Australian Open, David Ferrer? Yeah, he's gone too. But it's all right. This cupcake still has some seeds in it. It's freaking multigrain. Simon! Almagro! Montanes! These dudes all have some mad skills, no?

Sorry, did you just ask what I'm ranked? #1, dude. And how many Slams do I have? That would be nine. How many other Slam winners are there in the entire top half of the draw? Well, Juan Martin del Potro won one, but he's over in the other side of the half. Murray's half. And Murray's been to three finals of Slams before - oh, Murray lost? To Donald Young?

You know I am a polite guy. I'm Rafa. But excuse me while I shriek WHAT THE F^&*?!

But you know, I am modest, and is basically impossible for me to win, no? These guys, they all play very good. Anyone is a danger. I'm playing Ryan Sweeting this round, and he got a whole FOUR GAMES off me at the Australian Open. In three sets. That is FOUR GAMES TOO MANY.

I am so disappointed. He got four games off me again, and this time in only TWO sets. My game must be slipping. Is basically impossible for me to win this cupcake-y half now, no? There are still some seeds left, remember - remember Montanes and Almagro and Simon?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN ONLY MONTANES IS LEFT WHAT IS THIS TOURNAMENT WHO IS BAKING THIS CUPCAKE FOR ME?!

But in the other side of this top half, it's still all going on. Murray might be gone, but Soderling is #4 now, and he's still there - oh. Hang on. So if I want to make the final, the highest seed I have to beat is... Verdasco?

Except no. Because he lost too. The highest ranked dude I could face now before the final is... drumroll... Sam Querrey. And is impossible for me to win that match, no? He's won three of eight matches this year and I'm only ranked #1. What more do you expect me to do?

Sorry guys, I have to say hasta manana now. I can smell cupcakes baking in the oven. And I have to play another qualifier soon.

...

...hi guys, Jodi's back now. And she would like to say WHAT THE EVERLOVING F^&* HAPPENED TO THE TOP HALF OF THE DRAW IN INDIAN WELLS?! The only dude that is even half a threat to Rafa now is Juan Martin del Potro and while he's pretty awesome, I don't think he's quite up to Rafa beating right now. We might as well pack up the top half now and send Rafa straight to the final.

And if I'm Rafa, I don't know how much I like this state of affairs. Because if I've been stuffing my face with cupcakes and then I get to the final and I get a big slice of Federer-or-Djokovic pie... I don't think that's going to sit too well, if you know what I mean. Cupcakes are many things - delicious, for example - but good preparation for a final? Not so much.

The Federer At The End Of The Mahuniverse

Sometimes I think it would be easier if I were just a fan of tennis instead of a fan of tennis AND some particular players. Yes, Mr Federer, I am looking at you.

If I weren't a Federer fan, I would be able to be excited about the prospect of a fifth set in the second round against Gilles Simon. I would be glad to see more tennis, to see the battle, to see who would blink first, whose game would stand up to it. I would be able to objectively analyse the match, saying, 'oh, Simon raised his game there, Federer stopped playing so aggressively on the return there, and that is where the problems started.' I certainly wouldn't be trying to curl into the foetal position in my seat in Rod Laver Arena, so nervous that I was almost shaking.

But then, if I weren't a Federer fan, I wouldn't have had that brilliant rush of adrenaline when he finally did win the match. I wouldn't have screamed and laughed and almost cried, and I certainly would not have hugged four random strangers who were doing pretty much exactly the same thing. Perhaps I might live longer if I weren't a Federer fan. But the highs - and yes, to have the highs, we do have to have the lows sometimes, though I'm glad it wasn't tonight - make it worth it.

Take out Federer, substitute Nadal or Djokovic or Murray or the player of your choice. It works with anyone. Sure, we can appreciate a great tennis match, a real battle - something like Hewitt/Nalbandian last night, in which I had no real emotional investment, so I could enjoy almost objectively - but when your heart is in the match (and your throat, half the time)... well, those are the ones you remember.

What I'm trying to say is this - we need our heroes. Tennis isn't the same without your guys to get behind. (Or 'root on', as Wilson ads on Facebook keep telling me today. Insert 'yes please' type innuendo joke here.)

Federer is mine. And in tonight's match, I smiled, I laughed, I was almost calm... and then I raged and screamed and almost cried. And then, at the end... it is more than relief, more than joy. When your hero pulls through, it is euphoria. And I was, believe me, euphoric.

And I was also pleased I managed to survive a Federer five set match live. I never thought I would be able to do that. I am stronger than I think.

And I have another hero in my stable, of course, who was not quite so lucky. I watched all four sets of Mahut and Troicki today, and I cheered my lungs out. But I suppose having a journeyman hero is a little different from having a champion. If Federer had lost today, there would have been tears and bitter retribution. With Mahut out in the second round, I can simply be proud of what he has achieved.

Because seriously, that dude is AWESOME. His ranking is definitely going to go up after this tournament, considering he didn't play it last year, and he deserves it. He has been taking it to players who should probably be crushing him all year - and can we forget, of course, John Isner, ranked about a hundred places above him? He challenged Murray in Perth and beat Starace. He put paid to Dabul. And he played Troicki hard today - he played well, and even though he did not win, getting a set was a great result. I think he can be proud.

But I do have to talk a bit about villains, in all this talk of heroes, and after watching the Mahut match today, I think it is definitely true to say Troicki is in my stable of villains. He is probably the worst behaved tennis player I have ever seen. I seriously thought he was going to punch one of the linespeople today - he screamed right in her face. He argued with the ref, he argued with the crowd, he argued with Mahut... the guy just cannot get enough arguing. I mean, I understand that he's a 'volatile player' or whatever, but I seriously thought there was a chance he might get defaulted from the match for bad behaviour, because he was behaving foully. We saw the same thing in Sydney where he played Simon (who is definitely not in my villain's stable, despite taking Federer all the way) and if he continues like this, I really hope he gets in some serious trouble.

That is the end of the Australian Open for Mahut, because his doubles partner, Benneteau, is out with some kind of Serena-esque injury. I'm really sad about that, because it means I probably won't have the chance to see him again... which means I have failed in my tournament goal, which was to touch his hair. (I want to touch the Ma-do more than I want to touch the Federlocks, and that is saying something.) But just because Mahut is out does not mean I am jumping off the bandwagon.

Oh no, gentle reader. You will be seeing A LOT of Nico Mahut this year. Trust me. He's a blog hero now. You cannot escape.

Things We Don't Need, Things We Do Need

NICOLAS MAHUT IS THROUGH TO THE MAIN DRAW OF THE AUSTRALIAN OPEN! TAKE YOUR WILDCARD AND F^&*ING SHOVE IT!

...yes, I am a little bit excited about it. He overcame Danish dude Frederik Nielsen in three sets. I don't mind what happens now - I'm just glad that he got to the main draw and I'll have a chance to cheer him on! (Though if you want to win a round or two that's fine with me, Nico.)

Someone I will not be cheering on, however, is Viktor Troicki. I went to the final of the Medibank International, which was won by Gilles Simon, and Troicki's behaviour was absolutely atrocious. Any respect I ever had for him... gone now.

I have no problems with fiery temperaments. I don't even have any problems with racquet smashing. I'm a SAFIN fan, for heavens' sakes - I freaking love that stuff, if it's done with Safinesque panache. But what I don't like is blatant abuse of the linespeople and other court staff, as well as constant remonstration and blaming other people for your f^&* ups.

The crowd did not warm to Troicki - there was a large Serbian contingent cheering for him, and that was about it. I think everyone else was going for Simon - not because he was especially good on his own, but because he wasn't actively abusing anyone. When Troicki got called for a foot fault late in the second set, I seriously thought he was going to pull a Serena on the lineswoman. It was... it was nasty, and that's not something we need in our sport.

What we do need is awesome people like those who are playing Rally For Relief - suppport this awesome cause if you can! You can make contributions here.

Serbia Gets Slapped

Okay. Now we have some action. A fightback from two sets down? That is what I'm talking about.

I bet Obradovic is fiercely glad he didn't play Djokovic here, even though the Serbs didn't get the point, because if Djokovic had gone five sets today? No way he'd be up to it against Monfils tomorrow. That just wouldn't be happening.

Troicki and Zimonjic put up a good match here - they won the first two sets, after all - but they're both going to be bitterly disappointed. To lead two sets and then go down, in front of a home crowd? Geez. That is like a slap in the face with a fish and no mistake. And if I'm Nenad 'I love doubles' Zimonjic, I am a bit annoyed about being let down by the weak serving of my partner. Because that, at the end of the day, was the clincher. So in that sense, maybe Obradovic is regretting he didn't play Djokovic. I doubt he would have got as yippy as Troicki did.

But let's talk about the dudes that really pulled it out. Clement. Llodra. I love these dudes. They might be one of my favourite doubles teams ever. They are GOOD TIMES. I don't really have a side I'm pulling for in this tie, but in terms of this match? I was pulling for these two all the way. Forget did a really good job putting these two together - though I doubt it was a rocket science decision.

What I always admire in a comeback like the one they pulled is the ability to not panic and to not give in. It must be so easy to fold when you're two sets down - the way back seems insurmountable. But for Arnaud and Michael? Not so much. They rocked it. And I bet that Serbian crowd was NOT happy.

This leaves us in a very interesting place for tomorrow. The long and short of it is that if Djokovic loses, Serbia are screwed. But let's assume that rankings hold and Djokovic beats Monfils (even though I have a sneaky suspicion Gael might pull that one out). The fifth rubber is due to be contested by Tipsarevic and Simon. But will it actually be these two?

If I'm Forget, I'm definitely considering picking Llodra, even though he played five sets today. Simon was overwhelmingly disappointing in the first singles rubber... but then, he was playing Djokovic. Llodra has had a great time of it lately and should be high on adrenaline, if on nothing else. So despite the five sets, I'm going Llodra.

But if I'm Obradovic, I'm sort of between a rock and a hard place. Troicki was definitely the weak link in the doubles, and he's coming off five sets. But then Tipsarevic was terribly disappointing in the first singles match. Neither option is particularly attractive. Yesterday, I would have got Troicki in a second. But today, I think I'm leaning towards Tipsarevic. Maybe he can make something happen through talent alone...

A Meh Beginning

Davis Cup seems to have come around surprisingly quickly this year, yesno? I remember getting tons of mileage out of it in the offseason last year. But no matter. It hasn't been especially interesting yet, so it probably doesn't deserve the space.

So we've had the singles match - Djokovic vs Simon and Tipsarevic vs Monfils, and we're locked at 1-all after two straight sets victories. While this could lead to a very exciting finish - a live fifth rubber could be awesome! - the day was somehow not that exciting.

I'll start with the second match, which was Djokovic/Simon. I'm not sure why Guy Forget played Simon here. Maybe he thought that there was no hope of winning this match anyway so he sort of tanked it a little bit? I would have played Llodra for sure. Simon never had a chance in this match, as you would well expect. There was a little excitement when he saved match points to break back to 5-5 in the third set, but then he got broken straight back, so meh. That's a good word to sum up this match, actually: meh.

It also sums up the performance of Tipsarevic. I think that, like Obradovic, I would also have picked Tipsy over Troicki here, but he just did not bring it. Monfils has had a screamer of a summer but there definitely isn't the mismatch element going on here that there was in the Djokovic match. I probably would have picked Monfils to win (if I'd realised Davis Cup was even coming up - oops) but Tipsy should have at least got a set here, I think.

Maybe he was nervous in front of his home crowd. Maybe he is just not in form. Maybe it just wasn't his day. Whatever the reason was - or whether there is a reason at all - I expected a bit more from Tipsarevic. I expect that Troicki will be played on Sunday. Llodra, too.

Excellent performance from Monfils, though. There is every possiblity that Monfils/Djokovic could be an absolute scorcher on the weekend - and if Djokovic plays doubles and doesn't get the rest, then 'meh' could be the last word on my mind.

Day of the Disappointing Dudes

Wow. Tomas Berdych. I know you've been disappointing ever since your run to the final of Wimbledon, but I couldn't have realised this level of disappointment.

I've sort of vaguely maybe heard of Tobias Kamke, but I couldn't tell you one thing about him. And yet he put an absolute beatdown on Berdych. I didn't see the match, so I don't know if it was closer than the scoreline or whatever, but dude, DUDE. 6-4 6-1? That is craziness.

Berdych is in the running to claim one of the last three spots for the world tour finals, and this must have hurt his chances big time. Well, at least medium time. Time is running out and he's not the only one after a spot.

...though considering one of the other people after a spot is Fernando Verdasco, who also took an utterly miserable loss, maybe Berdych doesn't need to try so hard. I know Gilles Simon is having some of Awesomeness Renaissance, but 6-1 6-3, Nando? Yowza.

Speaking of miserable losses in Valencia - oh hiiiiiiiiiiiiii, Andy Murray. I know you've already made the WTF so you don't need to try so hard, but dude, come on, Juan Monaco? Really?

But you know who's not disappointing? Roger Federer. That was a nice win over Tipsarevic. It maketh me smile. And also Robin Haase! He beat John Isner. You keep on with your bad self, Robin.

The Man in the Mask

So, tennis world, I feel like I've missed the memo. Is Gilles Simon awesome again? Did someone forget to tell me?

Seriously, you can't turn around these days without going, 'oh, Simon beat that vaguely competent guy? is he back or something?' Today, the vaguely competent guy is Michael Berrer, but there have been many much more competent dudes that Simon has got the W over lately.

I never had a lot of time for Gilles Simon when he was awesome. Part of this was me being a bitter Federfan - I cannot lie - but then there was that whole deal wherein, you know, he doesn't actually have any weapons. The best demonstration of this I ever saw was when Rafa hammered him at the AO in 2009. I feel like he's really good at pretending to be a good player but sometimes he gets exposed. And that's exactly what happened when he got de-awesomed.

But now he's all winning stuff, so the mask is back. But he did only beat Berrer in a third set breaker, so read into that what you will.

Oh, and Tursunov beat Gasquet. I'm a bit of a Tursunov fan, so yay, but seriously, Richou? Did that seriously just happen?

More Haikus for a Dull Week

Romania


Chela won this one
I had wholly forgotten
That he existed.



Metz


This one went to Gilles
Back in 2008
He was good... but now?



Seoul

AKley disappeared
For a while - but now - yay! Seoul!
...doesn't mean that much.



Tashkent


Alla in Tashkent
She lost to Jarka last week
This is a good run.

Drowning, Not Waving

Gilles Simon turned up in 2008 and was awesome for a while.

And then he went away for a bit. And despite a few moments when his head has bobbed above water, he's pretty much stayed away. Like today - losing to Mardy Fish. Gilles Simon is, for me, the epitome of meh.

When you consider the immense stable that is French tennis, with all that talent spewing out of them, you've got to wonder what happened with Gilles Simon. He is easily the least talented of the major French players, but he has overactualised on his potential time and again. He beat Federer twice. In a row. For a guy with nothing even beginning to resemble a weapon, that is pretty awesome.

But it was a long time ago. And now Gilles is drowning, not waving. And that's all I have to say about that.

Speaking of talent, David Nalbandian is back and chalking up the wins. He may have fallen apart a bit against a streaking Andy Murray last week, but he hasn't let it stop him in his stride, which I was a little concerned was going to happen. It was a tight first set against Ivan Ljubicic, but then Dave moved into the bakery and it was all over. Who would have ever thought we would ever seriously be talking about Nalbandian as a serious Slam contender once again, eight years after he made his first and only final?

Back at the Bar

The results in Washington this week are like stepping back five or more years. It's crazy. And it's also one of the greatest triumphs of talent I have ever seen.

I have talked before about how I think Tomas Berdych is crazy talented - which he is - but Xavier Malisse is, in my book, much more so, and really could have been something if he had managed to capitalise on it. Which he hasn't. Not really. He should have been solid top ten for several years and he never came close. But now, in his relative old age, he's having some success - at this tournament anyway.

Maybe it was the threat of his career ending with that whole drugs thing last year - the same thing that enveloped Yanina Wickmayer - because it really seems to have lit a fire under Malisse. He's never going to reach the top ten, but he's been moderately impressive this year by anyone's standards. And now he's beaten the top seed (Berdych) to progress to the semis in Washington. Good work, Xavier.

And then there's Marcos Baghdatis and Marin Cilic - very talented, both of them - but well, well, who is this I see? It surely couldn't be the man who has missed the last six Slams but still manages to keep it together for Davis Cup? Oh why yes, it is. David Nalbandian is playing as well as I've seen him for a long time and he played some lovely stuff in putting out Roddick-beater Simon. I really want to see him keep on this trajectory of improvement, because seriously, seeing Daveed play when he's playing well is something very special.

I'd be happy with any one of these four boys taking the title, but I really would like to see Malisse or Nalbandian do it. It's been a long time between drinks but they're finally back at the bar!

Roddick Broken

So today is not Andy Roddick's bestest day ever.

He lost to Gilles Simon in straight sets in Washington. Easy straights, too. Simon may have had a very good 2008 and have done his time inside the top ten, but he's definitely not the player Roddick is. I think the only person with a comparable top ten record is Federer.

And now, if I understand rightly, this loss to one-year-wonder Simon has knocked Roddick clear out of the top ten.

And you know what? I think you can trace that poison all the way back to Wimbledon 2009. I think that was the moment when Roddick lost hope of winning another Slam, because he hasn't looked threatening since - not even at the smaller tournaments. Sure, he's racked up a few minor victories (I think), but I don't you think you can underestimate the impact that that 16-14 loss had on Roddick. The moment that Federer got his 15 was the moment Roddick realised he was stuck on 1 forever.

I actually genuinely believe Roddick has the game to win another Slam - probably the US Open or, at the outside, Wimbledon. But if this mindset continues? Not so much. Roddick may have had the misfortune to be born in the great Fedal era and never really have had a shot, but he always hung in there, kept it going. But I think last year at Wimbledon, Federer finally broke him. Roddick's had his head down ever since.

And now, more than a year later, that is showing up in the points.

A Speck of Nostalgia

I would like to give a shout out to my man Andrey Golubev, who won his second round match in Hamburg against Marcel Granollers in fine style. I am absolutely gagging to see this boy win a title, and if he plays the style of tennis he did at the Hopman Cup, then ain't hardly anyone gonna be able to stop him, because he is fierce (unlike whatever strange dialect I am trying to speak here). So here's hoping he can keep it together a little while longer in Hamburg.

(Mentioning Marcel Granollers, anyone remember that time he won a title, a few years back? Yeah, I hardly remember either. What happened to him? I thought he was on the up and up, but it sounds like he's just cruising along the plateau.)

Interesting match of the day, names-wise, was Jarkko Nieminen and Gilles Simon. That's a match I would sit down and watch, even though I find Simon's brand of weaponless tennis somewhere between weird and soporific. Simon is still the seed - though how he's managed to keep his rankings points up since that year he had in 2008 or whenever is beyond me - but it was Nieminen who came out on top.

Time was that would not be an early round match. But Nieminen's getting a little older, I suppose, and I don't think I would be the first to say that Simon's best year is behind him. But I kind of dig it when two veterans play each other, and this looked like a super tight match. I didn't actually see it so I can't make any, you know, informed comment (please, when do I ever?) but it makes me sort of nostalgic, I suppose...

Speaking of nostalgia, Dent vs Blake in Atlanta. Dent won. Blake is definitely on the way out. Any naysayers?

Disappointments in Dubai

I think I wrote a few weeks ago about how Feliciano Lopez has one really good tournament in him in a year. He won a tournament a few weeks ago... and the theory is holding true, because he lost first round in Dubai to Stefan Koubek. Now, Koubeck isn't the uber-suck - he is Federer's hitting partner of choice, as we all know - but really, Feli? Really?

Another dude is definitely hanging out in Club Disappointment this week is Simone Bolelli. Now, I have watched Bolelli play a few times and I like his game. He's played Hopman Cup before, and that really endears me to a player. He's talented and really pretty and he has some serious game.

So why has he lost fourteen matches in a row? Riddle me that one.

I can't talk about that too much more, because I legitimately have no answer. I don't know if there is any excuse for an ATP player of that calibre to lose that many times in a row. That's just crazy talk. So fix something, Simone. You're a mess right now.

Someone I am not disappointed in, however, is Marcos Baghdatis. Gilles Simon may just be back from injury, but he is ranked up high. This was a great win for Marcos, and I hope he can go further!

French Flair, French Fail

So I had another thought about Davis Cup. I've already covered the wondrousness of the Spanish team in general, for being wonderful individual players and for being a great team with a second string almost as strong as the first. We've covered this. Spain = good, no?

But... France has nearly the same amount of men in the top hundred - Spain has a few more, but not many. They've got some really excellent singles players, even if they don't have anyone quite as spesh as Rafa Nadal. They've got a pretty dedicated tennis federation.

So why isn't France doing anywhere near as well?

Spain is better. End of story. They're just awesome. But France really, really should be making it to the semis and finals. I mean, look at them! They've got Tsonga, Simon, Monfils, Gasquet - and then they've got tough doubles dudes (as in Slam-winning) like Llodra and Clement to add to their singles string. This shouldn't be a weak team at all. And yet they keep freaking losing.

This isn't the most coherent ramble, so I'm sorry if this next bit doesn't make any sense, but I have a notion that this might have been fostered at the talent development stage. What do we know about French players? They're full of flair, they're spectacular to watch when they're on but almost painful when they're off, due to the fact that they're largely enormous headcases and tend to implode.

Surely this isn't some kind of national trait...? You can't be born this way, surely? Somewhere along the line, the French guys are trained to be this way.

Don't get me wrong - I love French tennis. But the headcase aspect of it (and the habit they have of being easily injured) is spectacularly trainwreck-y.

So that's my thesis, I guess. France should be good at Davis Cup and isn't. Make them so.

Computer Problems =/= Crystal Meth

Let's get the actual tennis out of the way for starters. Just about everything came up Swiss in Basel overnight - Novak Djokovic took out Stan Wawrinka, but it's smooth sailing for one Mr R Federer, who made short work of Evgeny Korolev, and for his bestie Marco Chiudinelli the Resurgent, who also made short work of Richard Gasquet. Eminently satisfactory. It looks on track to be a Federer/Djokovic final and that would be pretty fun to watch... though not as fun as watching two childhood mates battle it out! I'm sure a lot of Swiss folks would love to see Roger vs Marco.

Everything fell the way it was supposed to in Valencia, pretty much - Gilles Simon was the only one who fell that, seedtastically speaking, probably shouldn't have, but he was playing Mikhail Youzhny, who has been made of awesome of late, so that's hardly surprising. Murray, Kolya and Nando all live to fight another day. Fun times, fun times.

And Bali is still as WTF? as ever - except for one thing. Vera Dushevina has been brought in as an alternate to replace Yanina Wickmayer. Why? Because the Flemish Doping Authority has banned her for one year, effective immediately. Same with her countryman Malisse.

I confess that the Malisse ban doesn't bother me as much - not because his circumstances were any more or less dodgy or anything, but because he's getting on and the better part of his career is definitely behind him. But Yanina Wickmayer? Title-winning, US Open semifinalist teenager Yanina Wickmayer? This could derail her whole career.

And the reason for the ban? She failed to report her whereabouts for testing three times over eighteen months. She claims this is due to a dodgy password, and technology being what it is, I see no reason why she shouldn't be believed. There's not a whiff of drugs about the girl. And three times over eighteen months? I could understand her getting a warning, or a slap on the wrist, or even a fine - but a one year ban is much, much too harsh. A one month ban, maybe, if you were being really mean - it'd rule her out of Bali but she'd be back by the Aussie Open. But this is frankly ridiculous.

The case of Malisse is also ridiculous - I can't remember what his offence was, but it was something else stupidly minor - but it doesn't tug at my heartstrings the way Yanina's does. She seriously has her whole career ahead of her, and this is not going to help. One can't help but think that is the backlash to the Agassi thing (about which I still have not been able to bring myself to write) and if it is, then that is stupid, reactive and unfair. Just because Yanina Wickmayer had computer problems doesn't mean she was off doing crystal meth somewhere.

Both Wickmayer and Malisse are planning to appeal, and I seriously hope these rubbish bans get overturned. Sure, drugs in sport is a big issue. However, tennis - whatever Andre Agassi might write - is pretty clean now. The biggest scandal we've had of late has been Richard Gasquet, and his poison of choice was cocaine, which isn't exactly performance enhancing. And he got off with, in the end, a slap on the wrist. If Wickmayer and Malisse's bans get upheld when they weren't guilty of anything more than being a bit cavalier with reporting, with no evidence they were actually doing drugs at the this time, then that is absolutely stupid. Slap on the wrist, tell them they were naughty and not to do it again - but you can't destroy someone's career over a password that didn't work.


Today's Results

Valencia Open 500 (Valencia)

Andy Murray def. Albert Montanes, 6-4 6-2
Nikolay Davydenko def. Guillermo Garcia Lopez, 6-4 7-6 (7-3)
Fernando Verdasco def. Tommy Robredo, 6-3 6-2
Mikhail Youzhny def. Gilles Simon, 6-4 6-4


Davidoff Swiss Indoors Basel (Basel)

Roger Federer def. Evgeny Korolev, 6-3 6-2
Novak Djokovic def. Stanislas Wawrinka, 3-6 7-6 (7-5) 6-2
Marco Chiudinelli def. Richard Gasquet, 6-1 6-3
Radek Stepanek def. Marin Cilic, 4-6 6-3 6-3


Commonwealth Bank Tournament of Champions (Bali)

Marion Bartoli def. Shahar Peer, 6-3 6-2
Maria Jose Martinez Sanchez def. Samantha Stosur, 7-6 (7-4) 7-5
Vera Dushevina def. Anabel Medina Garrigues, 2-6 6-1 7-5
Sabine Lisicki def. Melinda Czink, 6-2 6-7 (1-7) 6-4

Doing It For The Dwarves

Gilles Simon, here is the exit. Hand in your pass at the door. You're out. I never want to see your face in here again.

The Club of Lost Souls is no longer open to you.

That's right, after pretty much a year of whaling on the guy, I'm going to say something nice about ol' Gilles. I'm going to cut him a break and expel him from the Club of Lost Souls - the one club you definitely don't want to be a member of.

He played some great tennis to win the title of Thailand. Sure, maybe Viktor Troicki wasn't the strongest finals opponent in the world and maybe it wasn't the bestest field EVAH, but he played some good stuff to win it, and that's a hell of a lot more than we've been seeing from him in recent times. He's played le pathetique for most of this year, and I'm glad to see some decent balls flying from his racquet.

I like Gilles because he's little. There's not a whole lot of little guys in tennis, and the ones that are small aren't usually in the upper echelons. Gilles is the top ten flagflier for the little guys, and he was getting absolutely pummelled for a while there. I'm still not a massive fan of his game, but good on you, Gilles - doing it for the dwarves.


Today's Results

PTT Pattaya Open (Bangkok)

Gilles Simon def. Viktor Troicki, 7-5 6-3


Proton Malaysian Open (Kuala Lumpur)

Nikolay Davydenko def. Fernando Verdasco, 6-4 7-5


China Open (Beijing)

Dinara Safina def. Roberta Vinci, 6-4 6-2
Serena Williams def. Kaia Kanepi, 7-5 6-4
Elena Dementieva def. Anna-Lena Groenefeld, 6-4 6-0
Maria Jose Martinez Sanchez def. Caroline Wozniacki, 6-7 (5-7) 7-6 (7-2) 6-0
Svetlana Kuznetsova def. Zheng Jie, 7-6 (7-3) 7-5
Vera Zvonareva def. Sorana Cirstea, 6-2 6-2
Victoria Azarenka def. Olga Govortsova, 6-1 6-3
Marion Bartoli def. Magdalena Rybarikova, 6-2 4-6 6-3
Anabel Medina Garrigues def. Lu Jingjing, 3-6 7-5 7-5
Sara Errani def. Alexa Glatch, 6-1 6-1
Lucie Safarova def. Ji Chun-Mei, 6-2 6-4
Patty Schnyder def. Urszula Radwanska, 6-4 7-5
Peng Shuai def. Yaroslava Shvedova, 6-2 6-3
Ekaterina Makarova def. Shahar Peer, 6-4 6-2
Kateryna Bondarenko def. Maria Kirilenko, 6-2 2-6 7-6 (7-2)
Melinda Czink def. Elena Vesnina, 7-6 (7-2) 5-7 6-4
Zhang Shuai def. Iveta Benesova, 6-4 6-2

Ending With A Whimper

Oh, Tokyo. You redeemed yourself with a respectable final, and then the final was a sham. Tokyo, Tokyo, Tokyo.

How very sad that Sharapova/Jankovic - which could have been a totally excellent match - ended in a retirement. I bet the tournament organisers - and Sharapova, come to think of it - are pretty mad with Jankovic. I'm pretty sure that this wasn't the way MaSha wanted to win her first tournament back.

But win she did - and let's talk about this for a minute. It's not quite Kim Clijsters winning the US Open, but to win a big tournament like Tokyo on the comeback is pretty sweet. Though it would have been sweeter if the draw had put up slightly more of a fight... but still. Well done, MaSha.

And in Tokyo - Gilles Simon is in the final! When was the last time we saw that? He's been the top ten's non entity for so long now, the seed you could count on to be upset, and now here he is in the final. He'll face Troicki, who surprised Tsonga. And then in Kuala Lumpur, we have #1 vs #2 - Davydenko vs Verdasco. Now there's some tournament organisers who can be very content...


Today's Results

PTT Pattaya Open (Bangkok)

Viktor Troicki def. Jo-Wilfried Tsonga, 1-6 6-2 6-3
Gilles Simon def. Jurgen Melzer, 6-4 7-6 (7-3)


Proton Malaysian Open (Kuala Lumpur)

Nikolay Davydenko def. Robin Soderling, 1-6 7-6 (7-1) 6-2
Fernando Verdasco def. Fernando Gonzalez, 6-4 7-5


Toray Pan Pacific Open (Tokyo)

Maria Sharapova def. Jelena Jankovic, 5-2 retired

Slipping and Sliding Simon

I said it a few days ago, I'll say it again - what the hell is wrong with Gilles Simon?

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I was talking about how Simon is really one of the sort of mediocre guys who somehow managed to make it big and now doesn't know what to do with himself at the top. However, with the results he's been getting at the moment, mediocre is praise too high. He's losing matches that a guy ranked maybe #80 should be losing. Not a guy ranked #7.

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In a tour which has so much depth and so much talent, how is it that one guy has managed to hang onto this spot when he's getting absolutely no results? Sure, he had some good results at the end of last year and they're pulling him up, but surely the bad has started to outweight the good by now? The Simon Slide has got to start soon - there's no way it can't. I'm just surprised at the fact he's managed to hold on so long.

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Look at who's behind him. Verdasco. Tsonga. Soderling. These are some big names - and look at the consistent results that people like Soderling have managed to put up. It's unfair currently that Simon should be ranked higher than them: if there was a match between Soderling and Simon right now, who would you bet on?

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I know this is a tired old rant, but it's true. Gilles Simon does not deserve his place in the top ten - in fact, I'd say in the top fifty right now. Until he can dust himself off and start playing tennis again, I don't think anyone is going to take him seriously.

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Today's Results

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Indianapolis Tennis Championships (Indianapolis)

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Jesse Levine def. Danai Udomchoke, 6-1 7-6 (12-10)

Benjamin Becker def. Go Soeda, 6-2 6-3

Eduardo Schwank def. Yen-hsun Lu, 4-6 6-3 6-2

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International German Open (Hamburg)

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Ivan Navarro def. Tommy Robredo, 7-5 7-6 (7-2)

Florian Mayer def. Rainer Schuettler, 6-7 (3-7) 6-3 6-3
Daniel Brands def. Gilles Simon, 3-6 6-4 6-3

Philipp Kohlschreiber def. Potito Starace, 6-2 4-6 6-4

Guillermo Garcia-Lopez def. Stanislas Wawrinka, 6-2 6-4

Viktor Troicki def. Teimuraz Gabashvili, 3-6 6-2 6-4

Pablo Cuevas def. Jurgen Melzer, 7-6 (7-5) 6-3

Julien Benneteau def. Juan Ignacio Chela, 6-4 1-6 6-1

Fabio Fognini def. Ivo Minar, walkover

Paul-Henri Mathieu def. Pere Riba, 6-1 2-6 7-6 (7-3)

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Banka Koper Slovenia Open (Portoroz)

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Vesna Manasieva def. Anabel Medina Garrigues, 6-3 1-6 7-5

Roberta Vinci def. Nastja Kolar, 6-2 6-0

Sara Errani def. Arantxa Rus, 6-1 6-0

Vera Dushevina def. Tathiana Garbin, 6-0 6-3

Petra Kvitova def. Galina Voskoboeva, 4-6 6-3 7-6 (7-4)
Stefanie Voegele def. Anna Tatishvili, 6-1 4-6 6-3

Maria Elena Camerin def. Sesil Karantcheva, 6-1 6-4

Alberta Brianti def. Polona Hercog, 7-5 6-4

Camille Pin def. Vitalia Diatchenko, 6-3 retired

Ksenia Pervak def. Julia Goerges, 6-4 4-6 6-2

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Nurnberger Gastein Ladies (Bad Gastein)

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Alize Cornet def. Mariana Duque Marino, 4-6 7-6 (7-3) 6-4

Sybille Bammer def. Nathalie Vierin, 7-5 6-4

Iveta Benesova def. Alexandra Dulgheru, 7-6 (7-5) 6-3

Magdalena Rybarikova def. Mariya Koryttseva, 6-3 6-1

Anna-Lena Groenefeld def. Zuzana Ondraskova, 6-4 6-3

Nuria Llagostera Vives def. Lucie Hradecka, 6-2 6-2

Shahar Peer def. Tina Schiechtl, 6-4 6-3

Yaroslava Shvedova def. Lenka Jurikova, 6-1 6-0

Patricia Mayr def. Lourdes Dominguez Lino, 6-3 6-3

Pauline Parmentier def. Carmen Klaschka, 6-1 6-1

Barbora Zahlavova Strycova def. Sandra Zahlavova, 6-1 2-6 6-4

Tereza Hladikova def. Melani Klaffner, 6-4 2-6 6-4

Yvonne Meusburger def. Sharon Fichman, 6-4 6-3

Fluke?

I know this news is a day old, but I was too preoccupied ranting about the stupid place of some tournaments in the calendar yesterday to write about it - so it's getting today's post, in lieu of a better story.

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Question: why is Gilles Simon in the top ten?

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Because I have no idea. Sure, he made a Masters Series final last year, but that alone cannot be enough to propel someone up in the upper echelons, surely? I know those points still count, but let's just take a brief look at Gilles' 2009. It started all right - he made quarters in Australia, yesno? - but after that? I can't remember him stringing more than two wins together at all. He's completely lost the plot. And it's not like he's losing to big name players, because he's not getting far enough in the tournament to meet them. When was the last time Gilles Simon played someone in the top ten? I can't remember. And it's because he's got the protection of seeding, which means he meets the lower-ranked guys... and he's losing to them.

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All credit to him for doing well last year and breaking into the top ten and making it to the Masters Cup and all, but I have no idea how he's still in the top ten. You ask me to name the major weapon of Gilles Simon and I'm going to come up blank. He plays pretty unremarkable tennis, on the whole - which makes his achievements last year all the more amazing, but it also means that they could be given the unfortunate label of fluke.

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Move over, James Blake. You're no longer the sole president of the Club of Lost Souls. Gilles is coming in as co-president and until one of you manages to dig yourselves out of your respective ruts, you're just going to have to share the job.

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Today's Results

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Catella Swedish Open (Bastad)

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Juan Monaco def. Fernando Verdasco, 6-1 3-1 retired

Robin Soderling def. Nicolas Almagro, 7-5 6-3

Tommy Robredo def. Teimuraz Gabashvili, 6-4 6-0

Andreas Vinciguerra def. Jurgen Melzer, 2-6 6-4 6-3

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Mercedes Cup (Stuttgart)

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Fabio Fognini def. Nikolay Davydenko, 6-1 3-6 7-5

Victor Hanescu def. Alexandre Sidorenko, 7-6 (7-2) 6-4

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ECM Prague Open (Prague)

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Francesca Schiavone def. Kateryna Bondarenko, 6-1 6-1

Sybille Bammer def. Lucie Hradecka, 7-5 5-7 7-5

Iveta Benesova def. Zarina Diyas, 6-4 6-1

Timea Bacsinszky def. Carla Suarez Navarro, 6-4 6-4

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Internazionali Femminili di Tennis di Palermo (Palermo)

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Flavia Pennetta def. Aravane Rezai, 6-4 6-4

Anna-Lena Groenefeld def. Patty Schnyder, 4-3 retired

Sara Errani def. Yaroslava Shvedova, 6-2 7-5

Tathiana Garbin def. Olga Govortsova, 6-2 6-1

Big Fish

So Novak Djokovic is having to save five match points againt Florent Serra these days, eh? He better hope he played himself into form in that saving, because that would have been a bad loss - worse than to Kohlschreiber at Roland Garros, I think. At least Kohlschreiber is a genuine underachiever who coulda bin somebody. Serra is pretty much a journeyman. That would have been a big, big badness for Novak.

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Not that I would have minded that much, obviously, but it might impact on the competition for Wimbledon, and I love tennis. So yeah, you better hope, Novak. You better hope.

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The other member of the Fantastic Four in action today was Andy Murray, and it looks like he had a whale of a time beating Guillermo Garcia-Lopez. Remember how he was pretty much a standard top ten player until he had that big win over Gasquet at Wimbledon last year and suddenly found himself in the upper echelons? It'll be interesting to see how he does at the Big W this year, mark my words.

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Someone it will not be interesting to watch is Gilles Simon. Seriously, how is he still in the top ten? He has done big fat nothing this year, and that big fat nothing is continuing. It was a fluke, yeah? him having that great run last year? I'm sure he's a nice guy and all, but he just seems out of his depth with the fish he's swimming with at the moment...

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...but on a gladder note, glasses should be raised to Andreas Beck - great work Andreas, coming through the Halle draw very nicely right now - and Juan Carlos Ferrero. JC seems to be having his best year in ages so far, what with winning that title and now doing pretty well at Queen's - nice one!

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Today's Results

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Gerry Weber Open (Halle)

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Novak Djokovic def. Florent Serra, 5-7 7-5 6-1

Jurgen Melzer def. Nicolas Kiefer, 6-1 retired

Andreas Beck def. Lukas Lacko, 7-5 7-6 (7-5)

Olivier Rochus def. Philipp Petzschner, 5-7 7-5 6-2

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AEGON Championships (Queen's Club)

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Andy Murray def. Guillermo Garcia-Lopez, 6-4 6-4

Andy Roddick def. Lleyton Hewitt, 7-6 (7-2) 7-6 (7-4)

Mikhail Youzhny def. Gilles Simon, 6-1 2-6 6-2

James Blake def. Sam Querrey, 6-4 4-6 6-3

Mardy Fish def. Feliciano Lopez, 6-1 6-4

Ivo Karlovic def. Nicolas Mahut, 6-3 6-4

Juan Carlos Ferrero def. Xavier Malisse, 6-4 7-6 (7-4)

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AEGON Classic (Birmingham)

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Maria Sharapova def. Alexa Glatch, 6-3 6-4

Anastasia Pavlyuchenkova def. Elena Baltacha, 6-7 (1-7) 6-3 7-6 (7-3)

Francesca Schiavone def. Mariya Koryttseva, 6-1 6-1

Yanina Wickmayer def. Michaella Krajicek, 6-2 6-4

Li Na def. Jarmila Groth, 6-4 2-6 6-1

Roberta Vinci def. Lilia Osterloh, 6-4 6-2

Zheng Jie def. Melanie South, 6-3 6-1

Melinda Czink def. Barbora Zahlavova Strycova, 6-2 6-3

Ursula Radwanska def. Petra Cetkovska, 6-3 7-5

Julia Goerges def. Sara Errani, 6-4 5-7 7-5

Magdalena Rybarikova def. Chanelle Scheepers, 6-7 (8-10) 6-1 6-3

Aravane Rezai def. Alla Kudryavtseva, 7-6 (14-12) 3-6 6-2

Stefanie Voegele def. Naomi Cavaday, 6-4 6-2

Yanina Wickmayer def. Roberta Vinci, 6-1 6-4

Maria Sharapova def. Francesca Schiavone, 6-1 6-3

Sania Mirza def. Anastasia Pavlyuchenkova, 7-6 (7-3) 3-6 6-2

Urszula Radwanska def. Julia Goerges, 7-6 (7-3) 6-3

Melinda Czink def. Aleksandra Wozniak, 6-7 (7-9) 7-5 7-5

Li Na def. Aravane Rezai, 7-5 6-4

Magdalena Rybarikova def. Zheng Jie, 7-6 (12-10) 6-4